OBSERVATIONS OF NYC AND KC

Wow, it’s been what? Almost 2 years since I wrote observations about anything! I was focused on other things and needed to work something out first. Told people I’d get back to writing about “light” things when I felt light. With that, I was in Kansas City, Missouri for a business trip and had the opportunity to stop in New York City for a few days. I observed some interesting things while I was there…

1. I don’t need to expound on how heterosexual I am to preface this first observation… Ok, maybe a little. I’m extremely heterosexual and am attracted to women on every level and will never get enough of them. Now that I’ve introduced this observation with a healthy dose of my male insecurity, there are way more attractive men in NYC these days than attractive women. There, I said it! I feel the overall level of attractiveness of men in the big apple exceeds that of the women. Don’t get me wrong now, I saw some HOT women in the city. Just not as many as I used to see. I remember walking around with my head on a swivel afraid I’d miss a great pair of legs or a gorgeous face, not this time. I found myself passing couples thinking far too often, “Wonder what blackmail material she has on him!?” Huge disparity between levels of looks tipped in favor of men. Now, if that has anything to do with NY women saying they’ve seen a significant increase in the amount of gay men residing in the city I don’t know.

2. Asians. I saw waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more Asians in NYC than ever before. Let me narrow this down cause Asian is a broad term. I specifically mean Chinese, Korean and less so Japanese. Not saying it’s good or bad, just what I saw. Another thing I noticed with Asians? Ass! When did Asian women living in NY start getting curves?? Seriously people. It was unprecedented the number of Chinese and Korean women I saw filling out the backs of their jeans. I haven’t seen a shift in ass like this since the Great Fill-out of the early 90’s when white women started growing asses. Really! Check the ass history books to see for yourself! Ass history books you ask? Well Playboy and Penthouse of course. Playboy models from the 80’s look like someone took a bread roller to the behind of all the white women in the pages of the magazine. Can’t even call it ass, just an extension of the back. Wasn’t Photoshop either, white women literally had no ass pre 1990. Then all of a sudden, the ass god bestowed his blessing… sporadically obviously. The TV show In Living Color becomes a hit and the Fly Girls with Jennifer Lopez are on mainstream TV, the song Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-lot tops the charts and in the next 10 years a transformation of an entire race of peopleI Well, that has happened to Asian women also apparently and it’s a beautiful thing. Will we have to start saying ASSians!?!

3. Mexicans are taking OVER in NYC! What happened to the Puerto Ricans and Dominicans living in New York?? The number of Mexican restaurants has grown exponentially in the city. There are even gourmet Mexican food carts. GOURMET Mexican food carts?? Ya slippin Puerto Ricans. I saw not ONE Puerto Rican restaurant or shop while I was there. Mexican people have gotten their hustle ON! I ain’t hatin, just wondering where ya at Dominicanos?? Another reason I know Mexicans are doing their thing? I walked past hella shops in Chinatown and you know what I saw? Chinese people dummy! BUT! In the backrooms and workshops, I saw Mexican people!! Now you KNOW Mexicans are hard workers when the Chinese trust outsiders to work in their businesses. Wait a minute! This might explain the influx of Asian people I saw on the street! More leisure time if you have Mexicans doing the manual labor. I think they call that correlation.

4. I also observed how Berlin has spoiled me on the price of things. NINE dollars for a beer in NY? Not imported beer, not a BIG beer like they sell in Berlin that’s the size of your arm, but a normal bottled beer that is available at any 7-11 stores in the entire country, $9. Madness. Don’t even get me started on the $15 cocktails either. Even when you account for the exchange of currency those are still some expensive ass drinks! People gotta take out a loan for a night out in the city. I am not used to going out for breakfast and paying over $20+ for some scrambled eggs, toast, pita bread, humus and a SMALL orange juice. In Berlin, that same amount will get me a brunch BUFFET at an upscale Russian restaurant, large FRESH squeezed OJ and enough change to catch a Sunday matinee at the movie theatre ya heard!

5. Another thing Berlin has spoiled me with? Travel time. There are entirely too many people living in New Jersey trying to convince people they live “just outside the city” when they refer to New York. If it takes you an hour DRIVE to get into the city, then it’s not close, simple as that people. Driving an hour to anyplace is NOT close, unless you live in small town Kansas and the next closest thing is 2 hours away. I forget how cheap Berlin is so it’s UNHEARD of for even the poorest of students or welfare cases to live outside of Berlin. You just live in a cheaper neighborhood but you don’t live an hour away! Crazy how Jersey folks make that drive paying $12 dollars for tolls, EACH way just to go out in the city for drinks which are expensive as hell too! Commuting for work? I get it. Commuting for fun? I don’t get it. In Berlin, I think of ways of cancelling plans with friends if it ain’t in my hood cause there’s so damn much to do within a 10 minute walk! It is not fun gettin your drink on then having to get in a car for an hour drive back to your house. Not fun at all.

6. Ok, this is a Kansas City observation, but sadly I know this is really a USA observation. They had a breakfast buffet at the hotel I was at for my seminar. The buffet was true American style with the amount of food available for people to eat. One thing that stood out were the scrambled eggs. The normal scrambled eggs in Kansas City had cheese and sausage already mixed in them. You had to get a “special” order if you wanted scrambled eggs only with eggs… So, the everyday, normal, run of the mill, typical, what we put out in the buffet as a de facto are eggs with cheese and sausage already in them?? THEN, they had a HUGE tub full of sausage AND bacon right next to the eggs. People were getting the “normal” eggs then loading their plates up with sausage AND bacon. Throw in the pancakes and assorted pastries; you can imagine how sluggish one might feel after eating a breakfast like that. I know that is not a KC thing in the least, just been so long since I’ve been exposed to it. During our breaks at the seminar? More pastries and CAKE! Pastries are already sweet and you bring out cake at 10am?? Then, lunch was a parade of meat heavy food. I observed Americans love to put meat in things that shouldn’t even have meat in it. Salad in the United States has meat in it. Every salad I saw in the US had chopped up ham thrown in it. Of course there was cake for dessert at lunch also. Add the dinners which were the same as the lunches and one can see how a person can get fat in ooooh, 18 hours in America. I had to “cheat” on my American diet by eating fruit for the breaks and skipping the cakes at lunch. Surprised I didn’t see someone drop dead from a heart attack at every meal.

7. I’ll call this last observation God Bless America. There are some things, small things, but things none-the-less that made me miss living in the states acutely. Customer Service. I know, I KNOW I harp on this constantly but I don’t realize how much I miss it until I get back to the states. Having the waitress smile and coming by my table from time to time to see if I need anything shouldn’t make me almost shed a tear! It did because you feel like you are a plane survivor crash landed in the artic when you are at a table in Berlin. The staff apologizing and offering suggestions on how they can make it up to you when they made a mistake??? WTF?? Making sure everything is OK if you didn’t finish your meal or drink?? LOVE IT!! I’m importing that to Berlin! I went into this store called Petsmart in NYC looking for something specific for Chewy. They didn’t have it, no big deal to me. But it was a big deal to them! They apologized, and then offered to send me an email letting me know it was in stock and ship it for free when they specially ordered it. Explained I live in Berlin so they offered to find a store in Berlin who might sell it and email me the locations and price…. Are you fuckin kidding me!?!? Now if that ain’t the complete opposite of what I would’ve got in Berlin I don’t know what is! First I would’ve needed to FIND someone in the store to speak to. When I asked about the particular product they would’ve looked at me like I was retarded for asking since it should be obvious if I didn’t find it, then they don’t have it. The store offering to order it especially for me and contacting me when it was in?? MAYBE if I had a loaded gun and placed them under EXTREME duress they might have. Even that is debatable. Then, flirting… I just had a moment right there. I literally sat at my desk with a goofy smile on my face reminiscing what it’s like to flirt. Flirting doesn’t always mean a person wants to have sex with you German people! It also made me realize how German I’ve become! Women were smiling at me in the states and my FIRST thought was, “What that bitch grinnin’ at?” Crazy but it’s true! After a few days I got back into it and I was smiling back too! It’s so easy and so nice! I’m importing that also to Berlin. Last thing, being able to use your credit card EVERY WHERE. Did you know non Germans there are places in Germany, not in the village, but in the MAJOR cities that don’t allow you to pay with credit cards?? Hell, forget credit cards, some are still cash only. CASH ONLY!?!? That means you are going to a restaurant and you are on a date. You don’t remember to get cash before you go and you are sitting there looking stuuuuuuupid. Or, you want to buy a new washer or dryer at the German version of Best Buy? You better have enough money in your checking account cause no credit cards accepted! Madness! But, that then makes me wonder, why in the hell are we still using checks in the states??? Save paper and get rid of those things! Everyplace takes credit or debit cards anyway! Know I saw a hooker in Brooklyn with a credit card reader hangin out of her purse!