OBSERVATIONS ON RELATIONSHIPS
Now, it’s obvious I’m not Dr. Phil, Oprah or any other of those well-known relationship experts. I don’t claim to be an expert on how to find, repair or maintain a relationship. I’m just going to tell you what I observe about them. Hopefully I will make you chuckle a few times in the process and provide you with a couple of “Hmmm, interesting.” moments.
Right, so the first thing I’m going to do is define what a relationship is. Seems elementary, however, I’ve observed some people who THINK they are in a relationship when they actually aren’t. So here’s a quick guide for you.
1.) If you ONLY see your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” after 12am, or get calls in the early morning after they’ve gone out clubbing to come to your place or you theirs, and then they leave at the crack of dawn or they make you leave… that ain’t a relationship! You’re actually just a booty call, OR, you’re dating a damn vampire!
2.) If she only says “I love you” AFTER you take her shopping, is named after an object prominently displayed in hip hop videos, i.e. Cristal, Versace, Mercedes, Gucci, etc, etc, she hides under the table when guys in purple suits walk by and can run hella fast in 5” stiletto pumps… Fo SHO’ you ain’t in a relationship. You’re a damn trick!
3.) If he doesn’t answer his phone around you, or when he refers to you it’s always as “his friend”, hasn’t introduced you to any of his homies… then you ain’t in a relationship babygirl, you’re his jump-off.
4.) If you live in (insert western country here) and he or she lives in Africa, specifically Nigeria…. You MIGHT have a relationship, it is possible. HOWEVER, be wary, very very wary if they ask you for your bank account details to transfer $5 million into your account from the late Dr. Marcus Garvey. You are NOT in a relationship, but a damn scam victim!
With that out of the way, I’m just going to get straight to the point; most relationships in the 21st Century are not working on the most basic levels. Why in my opinion are they not working? Well, I’ve observed that…
1.) Unrealistic expectations and Fallacies. That Walt Disney book you read as a child only BEGINS at the marriage of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I’m sure Cinderella bashed that glass slipper upside the Prince’s head a few times and Prince Charming had to sleep on the sofa at the damn Seven Dwarves some nights also. I’m not saying happily ever after doesn’t exist; I’m just saying it doesn’t come without some work! There are grown ass people in possession of all legal capacities, walking around seriously expecting to not have to put effort into their relationships just because they met their “Soul mate”. Didn’t you get the memo?? That mess is bogus and you are setting yourself up for a loooooong fall. People aren’t aware of the amount of work a healthy relationship requires. I don’t mean work like the fuckin Seven Dwarves whistling while you work type shit. Or even the damn Oompa Loompahs at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory. I’m talking about slave on a plantation in the cotton fields with the hot sun beating down on your neck with occasional lashes from the overseer. Not saying people have to expect a life of Siberian labor and toil in a relationship. Just realize its constant work and sometimes periods of extremely hard work and you have to persevere. The best analogy I’ve heard about relationships is someone compared relationships to a tree. You can’t only focus on the leaves and the fruit. Yes, they make the tree look beautiful and full of life, however, when you don’t see those things, it doesn’t mean the tree is dead. The roots provide the support and nourishment. You wouldn’t cut down a tree in the winter thinking it’s dead right? Every relationship goes through a winter period. Sometimes it’s like a Miami winter really mild with a lot of sunshine but only a little colder. Or, it’s a Artic winter that freezes any exposed skin in a minute. Work through it and make it till spring when the tree comes back to life.
Being 100% head over heels in love with someone does not mean you stop noticing all the beautiful people walking around in this world. You are still going to be attracted to other people, flirt with them, and even want to have sex with them! That’s normal people! What makes it maybe not the BEST idea is when you ACT on those feelings. An important component of a relationship is loyalty. BUT, doesn’t mean your partner can’t be tempted. Eat some Ben & Jerry’s, deal with it and move on.
2.) Lack of Restraint.
“If pussy were a stock women, it’d be worthless cause you’ve flooded the market.” Dave Chappelle
Think about that quote for a second women. Think real REAL hard about it. On a lot of levels, women determine from the outset the limits and boundaries of a relationship. Fifty years ago, men knew that the moment they began to court a woman they had to bring their A game. They were always respectful, decent and dedicated! Why? Cause they had to be! The women wouldn’t have accepted anything less! The men had to make a conscious decision to give everything they had or they weren’t getting the coochie. When did they get the coochie? On the damn wedding night! I’m just saying, pussy is everywhere these days. I personally sometimes can’t walk down the street without trippin over pussy some days. It’s Ridickulous! Men think that if a woman doesn’t give it up before a certain time, she ain’t worth it and we move on to the next woman. The truly fucked up thing is that a woman can decide to wait for a guy to show some decency and test his interest in her to see if it’s genuine and you know what happens?? She’s just lonely after a few days. Why?? Because another woman has said, “Fuck it.” And literally.. Fucks it! It’s going to take a cultural shift of ALL women to force men to return to the days of yore, the days of putting in the work to prove he deserved your time… and coochie. Yeah, it sucks. Men should be held accountable for their actions and step up and realize how much better having making love with a woman you have true feelings for is better than random one night stands. Unfortunately women, that spontaneous enlightenment hasn’t happened in ooooh, thousands of years. So don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. There are men who have absolutely NO game walking around thinking they are PIMPS! Why? Because women are trying to use their sex to get love, in the process skewing the relationship universe. Get your girlfriends together, spread the word, invest in vibrators and stop giving it up until men are mature enough to earn the right to be in a relationship with you. This right here is a blog unto itself. However, I’ll leave it at this for now.
Now, it’s obvious I’m not Dr. Phil, Oprah or any other of those well-known relationship experts. I don’t claim to be an expert on how to find, repair or maintain a relationship. I’m just going to tell you what I observe about them. Hopefully I will make you chuckle a few times in the process and provide you with a couple of “Hmmm, interesting.” moments.
Right, so the first thing I’m going to do is define what a relationship is. Seems elementary, however, I’ve observed some people who THINK they are in a relationship when they actually aren’t. So here’s a quick guide for you.
1.) If you ONLY see your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” after 12am, or get calls in the early morning after they’ve gone out clubbing to come to your place or you theirs, and then they leave at the crack of dawn or they make you leave… that ain’t a relationship! You’re actually just a booty call, OR, you’re dating a damn vampire!
2.) If she only says “I love you” AFTER you take her shopping, is named after an object prominently displayed in hip hop videos, i.e. Cristal, Versace, Mercedes, Gucci, etc, etc, she hides under the table when guys in purple suits walk by and can run hella fast in 5” stiletto pumps… Fo SHO’ you ain’t in a relationship. You’re a damn trick!
3.) If he doesn’t answer his phone around you, or when he refers to you it’s always as “his friend”, hasn’t introduced you to any of his homies… then you ain’t in a relationship babygirl, you’re his jump-off.
4.) If you live in (insert western country here) and he or she lives in Africa, specifically Nigeria…. You MIGHT have a relationship, it is possible. HOWEVER, be wary, very very wary if they ask you for your bank account details to transfer $5 million into your account from the late Dr. Marcus Garvey. You are NOT in a relationship, but a damn scam victim!
With that out of the way, I’m just going to get straight to the point; most relationships in the 21st Century are not working on the most basic levels. Why in my opinion are they not working? Well, I’ve observed that…
1.) Unrealistic expectations and Fallacies. That Walt Disney book you read as a child only BEGINS at the marriage of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I’m sure Cinderella bashed that glass slipper upside the Prince’s head a few times and Prince Charming had to sleep on the sofa at the damn Seven Dwarves some nights also. I’m not saying happily ever after doesn’t exist; I’m just saying it doesn’t come without some work! There are grown ass people in possession of all legal capacities, walking around seriously expecting to not have to put effort into their relationships just because they met their “Soul mate”. Didn’t you get the memo?? That mess is bogus and you are setting yourself up for a loooooong fall. People aren’t aware of the amount of work a healthy relationship requires. I don’t mean work like the fuckin Seven Dwarves whistling while you work type shit. Or even the damn Oompa Loompahs at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory. I’m talking about slave on a plantation in the cotton fields with the hot sun beating down on your neck with occasional lashes from the overseer. Not saying people have to expect a life of Siberian labor and toil in a relationship. Just realize its constant work and sometimes periods of extremely hard work and you have to persevere. The best analogy I’ve heard about relationships is someone compared relationships to a tree. You can’t only focus on the leaves and the fruit. Yes, they make the tree look beautiful and full of life, however, when you don’t see those things, it doesn’t mean the tree is dead. The roots provide the support and nourishment. You wouldn’t cut down a tree in the winter thinking it’s dead right? Every relationship goes through a winter period. Sometimes it’s like a Miami winter really mild with a lot of sunshine but only a little colder. Or, it’s a Artic winter that freezes any exposed skin in a minute. Work through it and make it till spring when the tree comes back to life.
Being 100% head over heels in love with someone does not mean you stop noticing all the beautiful people walking around in this world. You are still going to be attracted to other people, flirt with them, and even want to have sex with them! That’s normal people! What makes it maybe not the BEST idea is when you ACT on those feelings. An important component of a relationship is loyalty. BUT, doesn’t mean your partner can’t be tempted. Eat some Ben & Jerry’s, deal with it and move on.
2.) Lack of Restraint.
“If pussy were a stock women, it’d be worthless cause you’ve flooded the market.” Dave Chappelle
Think about that quote for a second women. Think real REAL hard about it. On a lot of levels, women determine from the outset the limits and boundaries of a relationship. Fifty years ago, men knew that the moment they began to court a woman they had to bring their A game. They were always respectful, decent and dedicated! Why? Cause they had to be! The women wouldn’t have accepted anything less! The men had to make a conscious decision to give everything they had or they weren’t getting the coochie. When did they get the coochie? On the damn wedding night! I’m just saying, pussy is everywhere these days. I personally sometimes can’t walk down the street without trippin over pussy some days. It’s Ridickulous! Men think that if a woman doesn’t give it up before a certain time, she ain’t worth it and we move on to the next woman. The truly fucked up thing is that a woman can decide to wait for a guy to show some decency and test his interest in her to see if it’s genuine and you know what happens?? She’s just lonely after a few days. Why?? Because another woman has said, “Fuck it.” And literally.. Fucks it! It’s going to take a cultural shift of ALL women to force men to return to the days of yore, the days of putting in the work to prove he deserved your time… and coochie. Yeah, it sucks. Men should be held accountable for their actions and step up and realize how much better having making love with a woman you have true feelings for is better than random one night stands. Unfortunately women, that spontaneous enlightenment hasn’t happened in ooooh, thousands of years. So don’t expect it to happen anytime soon. There are men who have absolutely NO game walking around thinking they are PIMPS! Why? Because women are trying to use their sex to get love, in the process skewing the relationship universe. Get your girlfriends together, spread the word, invest in vibrators and stop giving it up until men are mature enough to earn the right to be in a relationship with you. This right here is a blog unto itself. However, I’ll leave it at this for now.
LOL as I said to you before "2.)Lack of Restraint" is the story of my life. I'm usually an old-fashioned girl' I've NEVER had a one night stand. I have kissed on first dates but that's about it! When I become someone's wife one day, I want him to proud of me and confident that he married a fairly virtuous woman! lol
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately that's considered a spinster or prudish. Men on average will NOT wait for a woman. I met this guy once and the same night we went for dinner. Then I we went out again. He dropped me off at my home and we were having a real good convo and agreed to finish before he left. He came in and we conversed. The subject came up to sex with him basically hinting on how he knew we connected enough to get down that night. I politely told him I was indeed interested in him and attracted to him but I don't get down like that.
"Well.. Im not the man for this job" He said as he stood gesturing for me to escort him to the door.
"Well if you consider my values a job... then you're not the MAN for it. Goodbye" I said and closed the door.
Most times, men just after awhile act up purposely so I can dump them, then after they get into some drama with Ms. E.Z. Booty; they're calling me again expressing how much they miss me and they messed up ! lol
*Throws hands up in the air* My aim is to try and date slightly older men , that have experienced that "moment of clarity" Where their minds and their penises can agree on chilling out to see if this woman is something worth waiting for. Um.. which I am damn it! lol