Right, so when I say traveling I mean TRAVELING. Going to visit your cousins for a weekend is a visit. Going to some touristy place on some pre-packaged tour with 1,000 of your closest friends taking a trip. I mean traveling. Traveling is going to some place you either never been before and know no one, stay for longer than a week or you mingle with the locals and are the only foreigner. Ok, with that out the way, I have been traveling off and on, mostly on since 2000. I’ve seen at least 25 countries…give or take. These are things that I have felt, experienced or spoken to other travelers about. If you are a traveler as well I hope you find these amusing, and if you’ve always wanted to do some traveling, I hope it inspires you to at least consider it more seriously.
1.) One of the first things I realize about traveling is it makes you become more open-minded. You have no choice but to take a step…ok, steps outside of your comfort zone. At some point you are going to be in a town or village that has no McDonalds or Burger King (for Americans) for miles around and the menu is not going to be in English. You can ask what things are on the menu and then play charades with the waiter as they try to act out animal, “It’s an Ox! No? A bear!! Wait, wait, I got it! A gay gazelle!! Oh fuck it, just give me the soup.” Or you can just close your eyes and point. I’m black and from the south. Black people from the south aren’t known for being wild and crazy about branching out and trying new types of food. I know black people in Florida who would go to McDonalds and be afraid to order new things on the menu. It’s McDonalds! Not like they are suddenly going to serve McSquid rings or McBat burgers. Before I started traveling, I fit that description perfectly. In Guatemala, I was traveling around and my Spanish was practically non-existent at that time. Ordered a dish that was gooooooood, oh man it was good. Messed around and improved my Spanish and learned what I ate..it was a mixture of sausage and pigs blood. Then it was eeeeeewwwwwww! Now, it’s hey, it was an experience. Not only with food do you become more open-minded, but with people, ideas, ways of life. In Central America and Spain, they have these serious religious processions for Easter. Well, the centerpieces of these processions are these HUGE ark monument things dedicated to Jesus. The men who carry those things are always dressed as if they are in the KKK! They have the flowing robes, the pointed hats, everything down to the last detail except for the signs that say, “Nigger go home!” If I hadn’t become more open-minded I would have missed out on a great experience. In saying that, a brotha still made sure there was a clear escape exit just in case the sign mentioned above poked up out of the crowd. In the states if I am walking down the rode late at night and a man pulls over in his car and asks if I need a ride, I’m going to immediately translate that into “You want some dick?”. If I’m in some new country at night looking for my hotel and a man pulls over and asks if I need a ride….I’ll still translate that to, “You want some dick?” BUT, I’m more open-minded and think that maybe he only wanted to give me a ride.
2.) If you are away from your country for any amount of time, like any normal person you are going to start to miss things from your country. I’ve noticed it’s not the big things like oh I don’t know say freedom if you visit Nepal or alcohol if you visit Iran. I mean, I’m sure I would miss those things as well, but it’s those little random things you never think about until you are away from them for a significant amount of time. I was always take it or leave it with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I like them, but Lord if I don’t feen for them like they aren’t cocaine now! You know in New Zealand they don’t even have grape jelly?? How the hell is that possible!? They grow wine in New Zealand, what do they do with those extra grapes they don’t use?? No grape jelly?! It’s just not the same with blueberry jelly or fruit of the forest jelly. It’s good, but not the same. Did you know that outside of North America is NOT common for peanut butter to have salt? Do you know what peanut butter without salt tastes like?? NOTHING! It tastes like nothing. It’s just stuff that sticks to the roof of your mouth. You know what else I miss? Muthafuccin pop tarts! That’s right, I miss pop tarts. They are the perfect snack food. I mean, you can throw them in the toaster and it’s hot and a little more filling than toast. Can take them with you as a quick snack if you are running late….Man, if anyone wants to send some brown cinnamon pop tarts…oh, and hot pockets, oh, oh and some Lil Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. Do any of you know what I wouldn’t do for some butterscotch chips right now so I can bake my special brownies!!?? 24 hour stores…………………………sorry, I was daydreaming about shit being convenient any time of the day or night.
3.) A very interesting observation….conservatives don’t travel. I swear. I have yet to meet a conservative on any of my travels. I’m sure they visit places, but being in a country for a significant amount of time? Haven’t seen any at all. Maybe they roam in packs, like wolves. No single American I have met outside of the United States voted for George Bush. Let’s think about this for a second. Why would conservatives not travel and mix with the locals? They have to be out there. Do they only mix wit the conservatives of the country they are visiting? That takes me to my next observation.
4.) Maybe conservatives do travel, but I find once you start to travel, you become more liberal. It’s one thing to see on CNN all the protests against the World Trade Agreement, shots of famine in Africa or hear interviews from survivors of military regimes. It’s a completely different thing to go to those countries and meet the people affected by all those events we see on the news. It’s difficult to be against legalizing illegal immigrants in the states when you have been one yourself in a foreign country. You know first hand what it’s like trying to fit in, find a job, learn the language and just plain be accepted. Any business practice that forsakes the basic needs of humanity just doesn’t sit well when you become friends with the people it would affect directly. In turn, it makes me wonder, is it unnatural then to be a conservative? I mean, when you travel and you experience life on it’s more basic levels, you tend to take on a certain way of viewing the world. If you are separated from the natural current of living, do you forget what the most important things in life are and you become misguided? Ok, a little deep I know, but a thought none the less I would love to hear people’s ideas and thoughts.
5.) Are Americans ignorant about anything going on outside of the US? Of course they are. Matter of fact, most of America is ignorant about things going on INSIDE of the United States. You know, most people in every country I’ve lived in are just as ignorant as Americans. That leads me to believe that if you have never left your country of origin, you are going to be ignorant to 99% of the world. I can’t count the number of times that people have tried to tell me, an American, about what goes on in my own country. “All Americans are fat.” “So you’ve been to the United States then?” “No, but a friend of mine knows this guy whose cousin went.” “So he said every American was fat then?” “No, he said there were a lot of fast food places and it was normal to eat sweet things for breakfast.” Riiiiiiiight, from that deduction EVERYONE in the US is fat. Otherwise intelligent people in other countries make “scientific” deductions based on films from the United States about the United States. Or, they take the most sensational of news stories and apply it to a country of over 300 million people. In Europe, they don’t dub every single film we make in the US, for some reason though, out of aaaaaaall the films made in Hollywood worthy of being dubbed into another language, they decided to dub Soul Plane here in Spain. Can I tell you the problems that film caused me?? Imagine a country where VERY few black Americans travel to and that film is shown in your country. SMDH….(Shaking My Damn Head) No different than what Americans do so no one in other countries can complain about the ignorance of Americans. Sure your fellow compatriots do the same damn thing. Only reason Americans endure the most criticism is because our actions affect the entire world. So I understand the criticism, just remember the ignorance flows both ways.
6.) You know what else traveling does? It reminds you what is important in life. I mean, yeah, yeah, love, friendship and all of that is important as well. I’m talking about in the context of traveling though of what’s important. Number one most important thing while you are traveling?? Underwear. Oh yeah, it’s the MOST important thing while you are traveling. Better yet, CLEAN underwear is the most important thing while traveling. If anyone has ever been stuck in a humid climate and forced to wear the same draws for 3 days straight you know what I mean. Clean underwear is like gold when you are backpacking through the middle of nowhere. And will someone please tell me why underwear are so damn expensive out of the United States??? It’s insane how expensive a single pair of draws are in Europe. Then they try and justify the cost of the damn things by hanging them up on a hanger. You can’t fool me! I know it’s draws and not a shirt or a pair of pants. And why hang them up?? You are selling them to men! Men don’t care. A man will wear draws until the crotch is all busted out and our balls don’t even stay inside the damn things. Along with the peanut butter and pop tarts, send some underwear. Better yet, I take that back. I think I’ll keep that job for my mother and grandmother. Seriously though, first time I left the states was to Costa Rica. I had bags so big I could have brought enough peanut butter and grape jelly to sell and become rich! I brought the most random things thinking I MIGHT use it. I never even used a third of all those clothes and things. Now? I can fit everything I need in one suitcase that includes my teaching clothes, teaching material, cold and warm weather clothes and personal effects. I traveled around most of Western Europe and North Africa for 3 weeks with a backpack that was 8 kg and I still felt like I had too much. The only things I would NEVER leave behind now are photos of my family and friends, cards from loved ones, items from the countries I’ve visited and my journals. In Madrid my backpack was stolen, it had my passport, camera, CD player, damn near everything…. The only things I felt loss over were the film in the camera, my passport (cause of all the stamps of the countries I had visited) and my journals. I keep two journals, one for my thoughts, and the other for my actions. I ain’t goin’ to lie, I shed tears over those journals. You all should too! Think of all the observations you’ve missed out on cause those bastards stole my bag.
7.) Traveling makes you younger. No lie, it really does make you younger. Or at least you look younger. Everyone I have met abroad who travels extensively looks younger than their years. In Madrid, I was the “baby” of my group of friends and I was 30. I thought they were all younger than me when I met them and the youngest one after me was 32. Maybe it’s the lack of stress we experience. It has to have an effect on you when you are worrying about paying the mortgage, if your spouse is cheating, is your child going to become an axe murderer. Those are issues with weight that cause lines in your face. My stress consists of deciding which country I should move to next, if I buy those shoes will they fit in my suitcase and should I feel guilty for going out 5 nights a week. Then again, maybe this observation is derived from the fact that lately I’ve been going out so much and my vision is blurry so everyone looks younger than they really are…hhhmm….
8.) Simple pleasures in life make you happy. When you travel you get the most intense pleasure from the most mundane things. I developed these strange upscale cravings while living in Madrid. For example, gourmet bread. Don’t know where it came from, but I had it. I was in the kitchen of my flat cutting my bread thinking, damn a toaster would be great right now. I hadn’t had toast in ages. Low and behold, I looked to my left and there was a toaster! It wasn’t magic, my flat mate had bought one and I hadn’t realized it until that moment. Didn’t matter. It wasn’t, “Hey, a toaster. Cool, now I can make toast.” It was, “Yeah booooooooyeeeeeee!!! We got a Muthafuccin toaster in this muthafucca!!!” I started doing my we got a toaster dance all around the place. I was singing while eatin’ the toast. I was happy, no ecstatic all over a toaster. Things I took for granted before stop me in my tracks…full moons, sun rises, little kids laughing, South Park in English and smiles from Spaniards. Damnest thing I tell ya, but it’s true. With that, I’m going to make some toast! Ciao!!
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