How does one define love? Is it even possible? Is it truly something that can be characterized by words searchable in Google or Wikipedia? Is it even something that can be expressed in words? Love could very well be a sound. Now which sound is what I am not certain of, would it be the beating of two hearts in unison written about so eloquently in poetry? Maybe it’s the sobs of separation at an airport for loved ones or even the lightness that spreads in her voice when she realizes it’s you on the phone; maybe it’s the nervous tap dance of shoe soles on hardwood floors waiting for her to walk through the front door. Seriously, what if love is only truly definable by taste? Chocolate could literally be the taste of love for all we know. It could also be the tangy bitter flavor of the skin of your lover after hours of intense…conversations. We have no idea how love was defined thousands of years ago before language was invented. The more I learn, the less I feel I know about love. What I am certain of is every notion of love I once held is slowly crumbling around me like sandcastles at the beach in late afternoon. Is it possible to love when you are unsure of how to explain it? I don’t know. I say I love, yet I’m told actions speak louder than words. Ok, my actions, but if the person tells you not to act, does that mean my inaction is now indifference and thus no longer love?
I asked someone to explain love, she couldn’t at first. Later in the day she sent me this text, “Love is what grows between two people, and their exchange feeds it. To have strong feelings for someone is your invitation to that one to love.” And English isn’t even her first language… So it made me think. Forget about another person, have I ever “invited” myself to love? Honestly, there are countless books written about self-love. I’ve read a total of ZERO in my life. I love myself.. I think. Or I thought I did up until last week. I wonder if love is something we cannot truly describe until we meet that person that helps us create the very definition. Then, it might be that our idea of love changes as we grow into the person who is capable of living the definition we set. I really don’t know.
I do know that there are certain expectations we associate and attach to the word love. You say you love someone, and they will judge your actions on a much higher level. If so, then I have not loved myself in a long time. I eat like a 12 year old orphan, luckily I’m blessed with über genetics that allows me to not look like my diet. I have partially healed injuries that even affect the very breaths I take. If one of my friends was “loved” by their significant other how I have loved myself through the years I’d implore them to end the relationship. “He’s taking you for granted” I’d say, “His treatment of you borders on abuse at times” I’d lament, “He hardly listens to what you are saying and now he’s not even having sex with you!” Sounds like I need to break-up with myself. But that’s not something you can really do, unless you die and I’m not into such an extreme measure.
It is highly likely no universally accepted definition will ever exist for love, when I think about it that may be a good thing. If there is no blanket catch-all statement for love, then that means each and every one of us can set our own standards and ideals. My definition is going to have to include something on eating healthier, rehabilitating old injuries and learning to increase the volume of my inner voice. I think I’m extending an invitation to get to a place where I love me more than I do at this moment.
In case you are wondering, for me, love is a collection of words that depend on each other to create the meaning you want them to be. If you take one of those words away, then you stop having love and only a random collection of meaningless words, trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, compassion, comfort, understanding, strength, courage, hope, faith and commitment. But just in case they are only words, I’m going to have a piece of chocolate to double check…
Day.. No idea and it’s not important anymore because I’m constantly learning and growing.
they say that you truly love when you can't say why you love.
ReplyDeletefor me, personally, love was when i saw no other guys but Timothy, he was the best and the most handsome and wise person i've ever known, i looked at couples who befriended us and i sometimes looked at the girl thinking: "she doesnt know what real happiness is, after all, Tim was with me, and not with anybody else, so how could she feel the real happiness and love"; i was proud that he was MY man, and i remember that when making love still it wasn't close enough, i wanted him to be even closer. yea, i heard him on the phone and the feeling, wicked, happiness so radiant, and real. i used to sing and dance to myself after our talks or meetings. problems "did not" exists to me.. well, of course they did, but.. things were easy to fix, alternatives easy to find, troubles easy to go through. things were possible. plans were taking place. love was crying hystericay when finding a post card wirtten in a specifict tone by a female friend. love, my love, had the smell of basmati rice taste of pineapple juice, smell of his neck and the warmth of his body. love meant borrowing cash for the ticket to Bremenhaven, travelling as a student with just 20 euros in my pocket, just to spend some time with him.
love made me happy but it is all a fair game: 50/50. it's the worst 50 part. but still, if i had one wish, id like to go back in time to re-live it. feel it again.
that was my definition of love. 5 years of happiness, possiblities, plans, hopes. good years.
milena.