PLUS 1

I am keenly aware that there are a few enquiring minds interested in my plans now that my 90 days are complete. I’m also aware of the possible interest in helping me officially end my sexual purgatory with a reintroduction to the pleasures of femininity. It is my ego that ponders small minded matters such as those, but it does ponder… Nonetheless, as much as I have revealed in the process publicly, there are a few things I preferred to keep to myself and a select group as I made progress. If you’ve read the first blog Cold Turkey until the last 0, then it’s safe to assume you won’t mind reading one more.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; I didn’t change April 28 on day 90. The transformation that took place in me was brewing for quite awhile. People will tell you I was always headed in this direction; it’s that the process was accelerated exponentially in January. There was literally this light bulb moment where everything was properly in focus and clouds rolled back to reveal the truth. It was such a life altering experience. The catalyst for this ascension was a woman, or more specifically my love for a woman. Let me explain clearly that my conversion is not for this woman in the least. She and I becoming us again is not the element that fuels my passion to be better. However, my love for this woman.. I cannot even begin to explain the depth of my love for this woman. I lack the mastery of the English language to even try to do so. My love for this woman was my salvation.

My plan now is to continue moving forward. The definition of FORWARD according to Webster’s Online Dictionary is; deviating radically from convention or tradition. I include that only because it seems a few do not understand the significance of the word. What was the norm for me is no longer acceptable on any level, EVER. I know for most of my adult life I acted out sexually first. I felt extremely comfortable partaking in sex, but offering little else emotionally or spiritually. What if I, for once, just to try it out, waited to have sex until there was no doubt there was more than just sexual chemistry between us? Honestly, I have never even considered it as a possibility to connect with a woman on a deeper level before sex comes into play, lowering my walls, experiencing true intimacy, all foreign to me like the far side of the moon, yet ready to be discovered. I’ll go even one step further, by 2012 I want to be married and I’m willing to wait for that woman. It’s highly possible that last statement left a few mouths agape. Sadly, I know there are ones thinking negatively of this proclamation. For a second I’ll indulge you and break it down. If I’d said in 2012 I want to have a new car or buy a house or even have FUNomenal Family Entertainment Center up and running you wouldn’t have thought twice. Why is it perfectly acceptable for a person to express readiness for acquisition of inanimate objects that mean very little in the grand scheme of life? It’s not because of my age, I’m not lonely, I don’t have mounting pressure from my mother to produce more grandchildren..Well, Ok, a little. It all comes down to me being ready. I used these 2160 hours since January 28th to reaffirm my worthiness to give and receive love unconditionally. I am ready in a way I have never been in my life, simple as that. I’m giving it up to God, sending it out into the universe and projecting it onto any other deity that sex, while fun, is not fulfilling my soul and making love with my wife is what I crave now.

Let me truly express it here for all of you in black and white. This woman, whoever she may be, whether I already know the rhythm of her heartbeat or am required to learn its subtle nuances, I have no fear to make her one of the most important aspects of my life. I am no longer afraid to admit to her, my friends, my family, me or the world how much her love means to me. How her very presence forces me to grab hold of something for fear the power of what is coursing through my veins will propel me to the heavens. I am certain she will be enough to always bring me home, to our home into her embrace. As a man I am imperfect, with her love I am sure we will form a perfect union. I welcome the moments that will all too quickly blend into years as I cradle her in my arms late at night looking upon her face as she drifts off to sleep silently whispering prayers of gratitude for having finally found her. The music played on my heartstrings while watching her with our children will be honey sweet. I am no longer afraid to give all of me and in return take all of her knowing I am worthy of every morsel, every drop, crumb and fiber of her unconditional love. I know not who she is, where she is or what she is doing right now, but I am sitting on my balcony, catching the last rays of a sleepy sun, listening to soft music with a knowing smile on my lips and stray tears glistening in my eyelashes. There, the bravest thing I’ve ever done, admit I’m a hopeless romantic and convinced 2012 will be my time, our time.

So, unless there are any more questions, I have to get back to my preparations, I have a wedding to prepare for after all and I have much more growing to do until that day. From the bottom of my heart I thank you all and wish you nothing but the best. Day 90+1, Ready for what awaits me…