FAMILY HOLIDAY 2013/2014

At this moment I am sitting at a desk in an Italian villa that rests atop a hill. There is a window in the room that overlooks the Bay of Pozzuoli and I can see the lights of Naples, Italy spread out before me like a buffet for angels. It’s breathtaking. It is not a bad place to be for Christmas at all. The food I’ve eaten today is the stuff of legends; four different types of home-made pizza for lunch alone. When I say home-made I mean the woman woke up at 5am to make the dough from scratch! For dinner we had three different types of salad, two different types of fish and breaded vegetables and that was only the starter! The main course was a lobster pasta dish. LOBSTER PASTA! Who knew that even existed!? All topped off with desert, wine literally made by the hands of my girlfriend’s father and limoncello. Amazing! Throw in the sunshine and warm weather and one could hardly ask for more! I can’t complain.. I mean, I shouldn’t complain. It’s not really complaining at all. It’s just... I miss my family.

The last few years I’ve made it a point to go home for at least 3 weeks to the states around Christmas. It gives me the time to meet up with friends, soak up the sun and most importantly reconnect with my family. Even kinfolks require the opportunity to reinforce bonds and strengthen ties. I expected this year to be no different, me flying home around December 10^th lounging around catching up on YouTube videos that are blocked in Germany, sneaking around trying to eat more than my fair share of my mom’s famous sweet potato pies, riding a bike and trying to explain to people I’m not gay for being 38 and having no kids and am not serving time in prison for staying away so long from my family. But as we all know, life often has other plans for us.

Living in faraway lands for the past 10+ years is something I regularly express in gratitude to the travel gods. The number of fantastic memories I have created are uncountable. At the same time, I am painfully aware of the missed chances to make memories with my own family. It is a delicate balance us wandering spirits must constantly be aware of to keep the scales from toppling over. In all honestly, the scales I speak of would probably be more manageable if I were able to express myself a bit better face-to-face as I am in the confines of my journals. I often see those posts on Facebook that urge us to let those we love know how much we appreciate them being in our life, yet how many of us truly reach out to our loved ones and let them know how we feel? I do try, but we all have our scars that hinder movement and prevent us from reaching out as far as need be.

This blog entry is me trying to reach out as far as I can, as far as need be to reach out to my family to let them know why I make the effort to be around them every year, even if I don’t express it verbally enough.

To my mother.. at this point I should just take the sun, dip it in chocolate and then drizzle honey all over it and attach it to this post. There is no way to express in words how much I love my mother, but that image that may have flashed through your mind’s eye with that description you just read might give you an idea. The sun not only warms, but provides nourishment, it brings life, and it raises spirits. That is my mother. Then the chocolate cause I mean, who doesn’t love chocolate! And who doesn't love Ms. White!? For real though! Then honey because I believe we forget how great honey is at times. Honey is like nature’s super food. There are all these healthy benefits they contribute to honey and the public tends to forget that at times with all the commercials for supplement this or enhancement that. Honey is natural, wholesome, under-appreciated and if more people used it in its pure form we’d all be better off. Skype is fine with my mom, but I’d much rather have a real hug. Or just to lay my head in her lap for a few minutes... yeah, the sun dipped in chocolate then drizzled in honey.. that’s my mother and I love her immensely for that.

To my sister Niki, Nikki, Nicole or however the heck you spelling your name these days! I don’t think she realizes how much I love her. When I am home I am always reminded of how much she impresses me. I appreciate St. Petersburg more and more as I get older, but I don’t hide my... ambivalence for it at all. The city isn’t exactly a mecca for high fashion and creativity, nonetheless, my sister finds a way to be on point with anything she does. She walks around and I have to remind myself I am not in New York, London or Paris but South St. Pete with her fashion sense. She has taken a hobby and turned it into a profession. Even her peers recognize her vast talent and that’s saying a lot cause you know how brown people can be when it comes to acknowledging others! And her daughter, my niece... Talk about an amazing young lady. I joke that her Uncles have a huge influence on her awesomeness, but in truth, she is just emulating her fierce mother. Love you to death...

To my brother Corey who is the epitome of an Aries. I don’t always agree with my brother’s views on history, or politics or social commentary, but I can appreciate the fact that he isn’t accepting what the mainstream says and is rightfully questioning everything. It is much easier to accept the status quo than it is to seek the truth and find your own answers. His answers are not mine, but that’s probably because we are asking different questions. I respect him because he is asking questions. The day we stop questioning is the day we stop improving and the day we stop trying to improve is the day we begin to die. I embrace my brother’s will to keep living. That and he can keep his mouth shut. Oh the secrets Corey has about me and never shared, a very rare trait to have these days. That’s probably why I consider him to be one of my best friends. I love you.

To my brother Ryan who thanks to Facebook surprises me at least three times a week. He posts these random quotes and stream of thought updates that I have to catch myself from liking because more often than not I should be working and don’t want people to think I’m available. He has this way of cutting to the heart of the matter that I love. The other thing that impresses me is he’s fearless. He posts things that are windows into the very fabric of his thoughts and heart. At 24 there was no way I was capable of doing that. Hell, it wasn't until I was well into my 30’s before I could even begin to fathom that and he does it so effortlessly at such a young age. Damn that is extraordinary. Love you like a fat kid loves cake. And you know I love me some cake!

This blog entry is starting to get long, but it’s the holidays and everyone has a few days free so I have to also say:

To my brother Dana who somehow finds a way to constantly smile and be positive no matter the situation and being a good father in the absence of a positive father figure growing up. That is another entry all in itself but you show up every single day to put in that work. Utmost respect.

To my aunt Ms. Doris (Tiki) Who has shown me what “Ride or Die” truly means. This woman has taught me what sticking up for your family is meant to be about. I need somebody to have my back when we gonna be in the thick of it? I’m calling my Aunt Tiki. Bet.

To my cousins:

To Sir Brock who isn’t waiting for his dreams to become his reality, but turning his reality into his dreams.

To Nico who has raised the good husband and father bar to a whole nother other level!

To Yook I’m Him for keeping it real... since the womb. Real talk.

Every Christmas time my family gathers, we eat a lot of great food then we retire to the family room and play Taboo together as a family. All told it’s at least 15 people including wives and children. By far it is the highlight of my holiday. It’s that release of energy that is expressed through laughter and squeals of delight that manifests itself into the intangible bonds that bind us together as a family. Immersing myself into that is why I try to get home for Christmas every year. It is to be a part of that love and add my own to the pot. I don’t say it, but I love each and every one of them more than they will ever know. I am not with them this Christmas, but I do believe I love them a little bit more this year than I did last year. 

OBSERVATIONS OF CHICAGO

Last month I went to Chicago for the Fall Urban Land Institute (ULI) conference. The reason I went to this conference is for a completely different blog entry. Going to the conference did give me the opportunity to visit Chicago again after being away for over ten years. Me being me, I noticed a few quirky things about this city.

The people are nice. Seriously, the people are really nice. I am painfully aware that me living in Berlin, a city famous for the cold and harsh demeanor of the residents might have significantly skewed my niceness meter in Chicago towards friendly and cheery but hey, it is what it is. The people in Chicago were in my opinion extremely agreeable.  Case in point, drivers in most major cities exercise their right to run down pedestrians caught out in the middle of the street when the light changes to green. If they don’t run you down they honk on their horn long enough to alert everyone within a 12 block radius that they spared your life. Quite often they will roll down the window to explain at the top of their lungs how you are forever indebted for their act of mercy. Not in Chicago. Not only did I notice cars not accelerating into defenseless crowds, but they didn't even blow their horns to hurry people up! They waited patiently for the people to cross then went on their merry ways. Amazing! In turn, pedestrians just meandered across major intersections with no fear at all. In Berlin, when the crossing light turns red half the people immediately break out in sprint to escape the coming onslaught of traffic. The other half TRY to act all cool and nonchalant knowing in theory they still have time even with a red light to cross safely. At some point though their nerves break and they too end up dashing those last few feet. Berlin drivers do not play that! Move or get ran over! And if you take too long walking across the street some will rev their engine to warn you they coming! Then when they drive pass they’ll stare at you to make sure you get the point! None of that stress crossing the street in Chicago. Loved it!

There are about 10 million people who live in the Chicago metropolitan area. That’s a lot of damn people! But you don’t ever get the sense there are 10 million people around when you are in Chicago. I was downtown for my conference and never felt I was surrounded by a mass of people one gets in New York City, London or even Madrid. Spoke about this sensation to Chicagoans and they agreed. There isn’t an area or district in Chicago that is always consistently packed with people they told me, unless there’s a sporting event. But in general, it’s a rather laid back quiet city. Ten minutes travel time from the financial district on public transportation you are in areas that feel like the suburbs. You’d be hard-pressed to find that in any major city in the world and I lost count of areas like that in Chicago. Different, but kinda nice.

There are homeless people everywhere in the world unfortunately. The number we have in the states is nothing compared to say India for example. What I did notice about Chicago is that the homeless are so present. I don’t visit Wall Street so often when I’m in New York, but I don’t recall seeing dozens of homeless people when I am there. Even in Berlin, a city with almost double the unemployment rate of Chicago, I don’t see that many homeless people around the downtown area. Maybe it’s smarter for them, higher foot traffic and all. Other thing I noticed is how many black people were homeless. In New York City I see homeless people of all colors... well except Asian. Has anyone ever seen a homeless Asian person in the United States? I know they exist, but I’m just saying. But in L.A. or New York it’s all races on hard times. In Chicago I only saw black people. That’s it, just black homeless people. 

My next observation might be connected to the number of homeless people I saw in Chicago. The energy of Chicago is flat. In New York for example the energy is alive and pulsating. You can easily get caught up in the “Go, Go, Go” of it and not even realize it. In Berlin the vibe is, “Do whatever the fuck you want as long as you leave me the fuck alone.” In Chicago it was more... flat. Almost like people couldn’t be bothered, or even slightly depressed. Again, could be related to the area I was in, but I felt it everywhere I went, this palpable undercurrent of... hopelessness just under the surface.

Last thing I noticed, I live in Berlin and went to University in Boston. I know intimately what winter cold is. But Chicago weather is an altogether different beast. Chicago weather is like a bitter ex who is unhappy and bitter over the break up and made it her mission in life to ensure you’re gonna be unhappy and bitter right along with her. Cold is one thing, but that wind?? Lord have mercy. It was the first week of November and that wind was already serious! Chicagoans were out in long sleeve t-shirts and shorts like it was NOTHING! They were laughing at me because I had a scarf and jacket on. It was in the low 40’s people! I was choosing my walking paths based on which streets offered the best protection from that sadistic bitch they call wind. No way I want to experience that in January or February. Nu uh, no way. 

So, I was in Chicago for about a week. With the nice people and all the yummy food I had, I hope it's not another ten years before I get back. But it will be late Spring next time I visit. Indeed.