OBSERVATIONS ON TURNING 40

Today I turn 40. I guess it’s a milestone, or a reason to celebrate. It’s also a fact of life, I mean, after 39 comes 40. Now, before anyone thinks I’m sitting in front of my laptop writing observations instead of celebrating there are actually some positives to technology. I scheduled these observations to post on my birthday at a specific time. At the moment, I’m in Northern Spain (hopefully it’s sunny) relaxing (or recovering) and enjoying the company of good friends and gearing up for the next 40 years. There are a few things I’ve observed in my time on earth. These observations might only be particular to me, but these are things I’ve noticed…

I don’t look 40. Now, I only say that with only a PINCH of ego. Yeah yeah “black don’t crack”. But I REALLY don’t look 40. I recently got a tattoo from one of the top tattoo artists in China. He doesn’t speak a word of English and everything had to go through his interpreter. They pointed out that two of my tattoos were fading. I explained that it’s normal for tattoos to fade after 20 years. There response was, “Are you Asian?” Confused I asked them to explain. They said I must be Asian to look so young. I admit it made me feel good. Who doesn’t like to hear compliments like that! After the tattoo the artist said it was a pleasure to tattoo someone with such healthy skin. My first observation is on why I think I look young for my age.

No kids. Hey, I love kids. Even though I’m now 40 I still hope to meet someone not too opposed to bearing the child of a middle-aged man. As much as children bring laughter and joy everyone knows they also cause stress. It’s a proven fact that stress ages the body. I am only concerned with feeding, clothing and caring for myself. I have eaten cereal for breakfast, lunch, dinner AND snack on more than a few occasions. I once wore the same pair of socks for a week straight without washing them. Ok, I was traveling around Central America and lost my other pairs but still. Try having a 6 year wear the same pair of socks that long. I only have to worry about myself and sometimes I mess that up! I know how much stress I caused my mother. I was devious and asked questions non-stop. How she worked a full time job, dealt with a husband and took care of house and home without swinging me around by my feet above her head like a helicopter to get me to shut up I don’t know. Point is, I stressed her. Now my mom looks great for her age, but if she didn’t have 4 kids she’d be running around here looking like she’s 35.

I’ve lived in many different countries and overall my stress level in foreign countries for 11 months equals the stress I experience being in the US for one. I worry less about what’s in my food outside of the USA. Big difference only needing to check the sugar and fat content of food and not if it’s been genetically modified or sprayed with pesticides or even real. I eat way less meat and smaller portions which in turn makes me healthier. I also snack less being outside the US, unless it’s cereal. Another thing that makes me healthier? Vacations! We don’t vacation in the United States. Loading up your bad a$$ kids and driving 10 hours straight to visit your parents for a 3 day weekend is not a vacation! When Europeans take a break from work, they BREEAAK! Work is the last thing on their mind for 5 weeks. FIVE WEEKS! My American butt thought that was ridiculous until I moved to Europe and actually started vacationing. Talk about wiping the slate clean and recharging your batteries, whew! But the biggest factor that keeps me looking youthful from not living in the US is being alive. Real talk. I go to a movie theater in Europe my biggest concern is if I’ll need to use the bathroom halfway through, not if a person will walk in and start shooting. Matter of fact, everywhere I go in Europe I know the only people who will have guns are the police. That is a beautiful thing! Oh, and police don’t use black people for target practice in Europe. Yeah, that also keeps a brother looking young.  Ducking and dodging bullets ages a person! In saying that, I still have a sh!t ton of gray hair!

Which leads me to my second observation of turning 40. Women LOVE a man with a bit of gray. When I was in my 20’s I didn’t get why women my own age were all into men so much older than them. I mean, a man in his 20’s is normally in better shape, has more hair, more energy, more sexual stamina, and blah blah blah. Now that I’m 40 there are women who when I was 25 I would’ve had to put in WORK for are stepping to me. Being in your late 30’s and early 40’s for a man with some gray is not a bad place to be. I don’t know if they assume older man more money? Which makes no sense in Berlin since no one has any money here. Or older man more likely to be ready to settle down? Older men don’t chase it so we’re more of a challenge? No idea. I just know I ain’t mad!

A very very real thing I have noticed is the beginning of physical deterioration. Every time I hear someone who is 40+ talk about being just as good as they were 10 years ago I want to slap them in the face and yell “Snap out of it man! For the love of God wake up!” It’s called reality people. How many professional athletes are still playing at 40 years old? There might be one or two exceptions but for the most part there are none. And if they are out there they aren’t at the top of their game. I feel it when I work out. Every 6 weeks I need to change up my workouts to low impact body weight things to give my joints a rest. In my 20’s I could go two weeks without working out and eat like I was a prison inmate getting his last meal and not look any different. If I go three days now without working out and don’t have a strict healthy diet, I look like I came from a frat party where I played 12 hours of beer pong straight. Just the way it is. I know I can push myself to be in the best possible shape I can be in now, and it won’t match my physical highs of 10 years ago. Case in point, a couple of weeks ago I started a new workout that calls for me to do explosive vertical jumps. That’s simply jumping as high as you can, nothing more. But think about it, when is the last time you’ve jumped as HIGH as you can? Why would you? So I jumped. Now, when I was 13 years old I won silver in the AAU Jr. Olympics in the long jump. I jumped 20ft (6 meters). Where I'm from we call that hops. I could fly. COULD people, remember that. Spiritually I touched the moon on that first vertical jump. My soul soared and was like “Wahooooooo!”. In reality it was more like, “Wa!” cause I came back to earth so fast. My spirit hit its head on the roof of my skull from that rapid decent. I clicked my teeth I hit the ground so hard. My brain was like a woman who is celibate for years then finally decides to have sex and the man lasts like 3 strokes, “Is that all? Are you seriously telling me that’s all? I coulda kept my clothes on for that mess.” My physical body was like the man, “I don’t know what happened! This has never happened before! Let me try again!”. At that moment I perfectly understood the saying, mind is willing but the body isn’t able. You know what? I’m perfectly OK with that. Before I worked out to set personal bests in the gym. When I was 25 I weighed 170lbs (77kg) and benched 385lbs (175kg). Now I work out to look good naked. I honestly have no idea how much I can bench press and I could give two sh!ts. My tattoos are still in the same places now as they were 20 years ago and women still stare at my butt when I wear fitted pants. THAT is my measuring stick now. Now on the mental level?? TOTALLY different story! But for the physical? Yeah, I feel it. Extra 15 minutes for warmup before I work out, taking random days off to recover and  joint pain after walking up 5 flights of stairs is my life at 40.

I’m 40 and not married, never been married and from the first observation obviously childless. My past relationships failed for a number of reasons, admittedly mostly due to this. But I at least was smart enough to pick up a few things that at 40 I believe I’ve finally figured out. In my opinion there are 4 pillars of attraction to a successful relationship. They are Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual and Emotional. If you don’t have at least three of those things your relationship will tip over and crash. With only two you might be able to balance things for a while, but you won’t have a sturdy foundation to see you through the tough times. Yes, looks are going to fade, but you can’t see someone’s kindness and compassion across the street. It’s the first thing we see and it’s nice to have. One of my favorite things, right up there with cake, is to be in a shop or bookstore and see an attractive woman out the corner of your eye and think, “Daaaamn!!!” Then that woman walks your way and you puff out your chest and suck in your gut and you realize it’s your girlfriend. Then you get all happy cause you are like, “She’s with me!?! I get to see her naked!!” Physical attraction, helping people want to make babies since forever.

Intellectual for me is HUGE! And a sidebar observation, folks these days have forgotten what intellectual conversation means. Hell! People don’t even KNOW what conversation means! Conversation is a form of talking. Talking refers to a conversational exchange. Telling is used to inform or instruct. Talking is not the same as telling. When people talk they EXCHANGE ideas. Telling is when you provide information and is a one-way street. If you are always telling your significant other things you are not creating the environment for you two to learn more about each other and expand the boundaries of your intellectual capacity. There are only so many times someone can tell me about their day or what so and so did before I get bored. But if someone talks to me about the organizational structure of their job and how it prevents them from growing in a professional capacity or the behavioral basis for why people act a certain way I’m down like four flat tires to do that for hours. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds events; small minds discuss people.” People don’t talk as much as they did 10 or 20 years ago. There are enough posts about that due to a number of factors, but I definitely notice it as I get older on a personal level. Communication is the key in relationships and that entails talking, posting Facebook memes does not count! If you’ve been dating someone for months and you don’t know their views on politics, religion, relationships, sex, extraterrestrial life, Marvel vs DC Comics and sweet vs savory… you are missing one of those 4 pillars. And books, if a person doesn’t have books in their apartment or house, run. Quickly. And don’t stop until you can't hear their cries of “where are you going?!?”. Books provide so much fuel for great conversations I can’t see meaningful conversation without them.

Spiritual and Emotional are connected in many ways. A couple on some level should believe there is a higher power that brought them together. I know it sounds hokey but these are MY observations. I just believe when people act like there was a cosmic design to bring you together you appreciate what you have a bit more.  Hopefully you explore it and strive to comprehend it on a deeper and more fulfilling level which leads to a stronger emotional bond. If you’re with someone only because they have the right family name or enough zeroes in their salary, then your spiritual and emotional connection is weak. You're also not going to be interested in a more profound relationship either that works toward enlightening your spirits and strengthening your emotional bonds.

Ok, so in theory relationships lead to marriage and I am at that age now where a lot of first marriages are ending and second marriages are beginning. Lord knows as someone who has never been married I have no idea what it takes to be happily married or have a happy marriage. I have however observed enough relationships and marriages to have an opinion. Marry your first love or wait until you are as close to 40 as possible. Now, some people might read first love and imagine their first boyfriend or girlfriend and say, “Nooo way!”. I would have to agree. My first REAL girlfriend eventually became my fiancé. What a disaster that was! Best thing that ever happened was me not marrying that woman. After her though I met my first love. Oh that experience...Yeah, that experience went on to shape a significant portion of my life and put a permanent stamp on my definition of love itself. Your first love is pure and untainted. You only know endless possibilities and haven’t experienced heartbreak to be distrustful. You follow impulses and desire and treat every single moment as a treasure with no regard to the consequences. You love as if you will never be hurt and never doubt the source of your love and more importantly, theirs. There is no word in any language to describe a first love. It is an authentic force that never dies, it is only altered and continues to evolve for all of eternity. It’s never ever a mistake to dive into that love at the first opportunity and swim in it for as long as you can.

If by chance you don’t get that opportunity, wait. Again, these are my observations. In my late 20’s I felt an obligation to get married which is much stronger in certain cultures than others but still very prevalent. When your heart is clouded by the weight of expectations  it’s always best to wait until you can hear it more clearly. For me it’s as I’ve moved closer to 40. I’ve moved past a lot of insecurity and dealt with a lot of emotional issues that kept me from being able to truly commit to a person in a healthy relationship. I had to unlearn some harmful habits andstart trusting the voice of my heart again. A long and painful process but very necessary part of my journey. I’m not saying I’m 100% ready, but I am much closer today than I was yesterday and certainly more so than I was 10 years ago. My level of appreciation for someone who can not only put up with my scars but love me not in spite of them, but because of them is infinite now.  And that’s how I feel about that.

My final observation on turning 40 is getting older makes you long-winded! But hey, you can always stop reading! So, I've noticed that your circle of friends shrinks. As you get older the number of people you consider to be friends grows smaller. That is for a number of reasons and everyone has different ones. For me I realized that often times the people I thought were my friends were people who were cool to go out and party with. Not the same as being someone I could turn to when I felt lost and needed a steadying hand. I also confused someone being friendly with being my friend. A conversation I had with a very wise woman set me straight on that a few years ago. The gist of the conversation was that I was wrong in assuming I had a lot of female friends. She had one simple test for me when a female who I hadn’t spoken to in a long time tried to reconnect, ask if they were single. She explained that more often than not a woman reaching out to me was because she was currently or recently single and wanted to gauge the possibility of us RECONNECTING (nudge nudge wink wink). She was right. At my age the people who want to communicate with me I really like and I believe the feeling is mutual. There is no hidden agenda and they have my best interest at heart. That makes our interaction very… reassuring. compared to my 20's, I interact with much fewer people. I'm OK with that. The ones who are in my life now are meant to be there and even if our interaction is brief it's still extremely special to me. It has more impact and value. 

Ok, my last observation of turning 40.. Hey! My birthday, my observations, my rules. So

two last observations! Family. Family gets more important and you miss them more as you get older. You may have your differences with your family but you’ve never heard anyone saying that’s my ex-brother or my ex-cousin. You will always be family and there is something powerful and special in that. You share a bond with those people that goes back generations of a lot of different factors coming into play that produced that blood. With my family I am now Jesus. Not saying I’m turning water into wine or raising the dead! More like the forgiving part. Believe it was 7x70? In other words, people make mistakes and family should always get extra leeway. And I live in Berlin so I miss a lot of their mistakes also, easier to forgive what you don't know about! Ha! 

Yeah, that’s enough. Now back to my scheduled 40^th birthday celebration in Spain. It’s been a FUNomenal journey so far and I am looking forward to what the future brings. Hopefully some cake... *sigh I really love cake. 

OBSERVATIONS OF RHODES, GREECE

Thanks to a cheap last minute flight I was able to go to one of the last countries I hadn’t visited yet in Europe. I’d heard so many things about Greece, unfortunately most of it was related to their economic situation at the moment, but I was excited to go. I only went to one small island out of the many Greek Islands so my observations are about Rhodes. Some things may be indicative of Greece as a whole, but I wouldn’t know. With that, I noticed these things about Rhodes while I was there. 

First thing I noticed is that everyone speaks at least some English. That’s hella important because you sure as heck aren’t reading anything in Greek with that weird a$$ alphabet. You might recognize some symbols from the Fraternities and Sororities at your university but that ain’t helping you with finding the interstate or know which is the men’s bathroom.  I lived in Italy, Spain and France and there is no way you’re finding someone speaking anything but the local language when you’re in a small village. Even if you’re in a tourist town it’s still 50/50 in Italy and Spain. France? Forget it. Even in Paris your odds are under 30% you’ll find someone willing to speak to you in a language other than French. But in Rhodes, even the grandmother at the hotel spoke enough English to get her point across. And every English word she knew she told you the Greek equivalent. Considerate, but a total waste of time. Just not one of those languages that’s gonna stick in my head. But I appreciated her effort and she was so cute! 

Another thing you notice about the Greek people on Rhodes is how polite they are! People on islands tend to be nice, but I can’t express just how polite everyone was. Always a thank you, please and you’re welcome every single time. Maybe I found this so amazing because I live in the capital of impoliteness Berlin. Thank you’s here are listed on the menu under starters and smiles can be found on the wine list where the most expensive bottles are on offer. In Rhodes the people were always super friendly and courteous. And it didn’t feel forced as it often does in service dependent areas. I’m from Florida and the biggest industry is tourism. It’s engrained in the psyche of anyone who works in the industry to be polite. Problem is it feels like it’s a front to get a bigger tip. There are some genuine people of course, but in Rhodes EVERYONE felt genuine with their politeness. It made me feel like they actually appreciated not only my business, but me choosing to visit their island. 

Greek women, I noticed them. I’m a man with eyes, of course I’m going to notice! Again, this is only Rhodes so I don’t know how it is on mainland Greece or other islands, but Greek women are hefty! In many European countries you get the feeling women are under-eating to fit a certain beauty standard, not on Rhodes. Women in Rhodes look like they are perfectly OK with eating. I personally LOVED it! Women should have curves and lumps and rounded parts. Never really saw a “thin” woman while I was in Rhodes who was Greek. God bless a culture that makes women feel comfortable in their own skin and don’t feel forced to skip meals. That alone made the trip worthwhile! 

And Greece needs to start a marketing campaign to have their language included in the discussion of sexy languages, seriously. Can’t understand a word they're saying but lord have mercy it sounds so beautiful when they speak it! The cadence is like Italian in certain ways, but they roll their r’s like the Spanish do sometimes. Really a pleasure to listen to Greek people speak to each other. Never would have thought that as I mean honestly, how often do you hear Greek? Or maybe you hear it more often than you think and assume it’s an obscure dialect from Southern Italy. I’m down with the Greek language. 

With every good thing comes some bad. There were a couple of negative things I noticed about Rhodes. The island is super touristy, which isn’t a bad thing, but they haven’t escaped the economic situation at all. Out of every 10 buildings you pass I would say that 6 out of the 10 were unfinished, abandoned or boarded up. It was startling to see the amount of buildings half finished as you drove around the island. They looked liked concrete skeletons warrior tribes had driven deep into the earth to warn trespassers. Was very haunting to see it everywhere you went on the island. Another thing I noticed is that Rhodes apparently is a hotspot for budget British tourism. I’ve lived and worked in England so I know a northern English accent very well. Sometimes I felt like I was in Liverpool or Manchester. English people by and large are very nice and a pleasure to be around. It’s just warm sunny weather and alcohol in my experience is not always the best mix with Northern English folk. It’s like God blessed people from Northern England with a trumpet for vocal cords and the more they drink the more powerful it becomes. You can hear a group of them miles away! The men fairly tame, but the women!? They are like a gaggle of geese! Did you know geese can actually be dangerous? They were used as guard animals in the middle ages. I for one would rather walk through a pitch black basement at Halloween then walk past a group of older drunk Manchester women. It’s like they channel all the anger women who walk past construction sites have to endure from men and give it back tenfold. Scary stuff. Very very scary stuff. 

Ok, back to the positives. The food!! I personally wasn’t always so impressed with Greek food before. But then again I was never in Greece before. Whoa! Every place I ate at, can’t speak for the people I traveled with, was well prepared and tasted amazing! I’m a big baby when it comes to certain things and my baby factor goes up a factor of ten when I’m faced with things that look like they could still be alive when I’m going to eat it. A chicken breast does not look like an actual chicken, same for a pork souvlaki. But squid and octopus.. eeeh, no thanks. And when they arrange it to look like it’s still alive on the plate? Nooooo. Noooooooooo. No no no. But I tried a piece, with my eyes closed, and I have to admit it was GOOD! I was impressed. And the desserts?? WHAT?! I wish I could remember the names, but even if I could my keyboard only has Latin characters so I probably couldn’t even type it out. But as a self confessed sugar addict I was in HEAVEN! They were all so light and fluffy! Perfect for eating more than one! And the prices in Rhodes were CHEAP! Not reasonable, but downright cheap! Funny thing is the only thing I ate that was below average and a bit expensive? A gyro. Weird right? The group of people I traveled with didn’t skip on anything. We always had beer and/or wine, starters, main course and most of the time dessert and we rarely paid more than €20 per person WITH tip. Can’t complain about that at all. 

One more thing I observed about Rhodes are the beaches. The beaches were nice, nothing to

St. Paul's Bay Rhodes

complain about at all. I did notice two things though that you immediately pick up on at any beach you go to. The first is that there is very little shore. Of course I didn’t visit EVERY beach on Rhodes but I saw enough. What I mean is, you went into the water a few feet away from the shore than WHOOP! That’s it, no more bottom. But the water was HELLA salty. That was actually perfect with how quickly it got deep. The saltier the water the easier it is to float. In Rhodes I overcame one of my biggest fears and swam out from a protected harbor into the middle of the open sea. I’ve always been terrified of the open sea and decided that day I was going to overcome my fear. I posted on Facebook afterwards that I “swam” about a mile in total. In reality I more like doggy paddled. When I got tired I just turned over on my back, relaxed and floated. It was very peaceful and soothing. Scarier than a muthafucca too because I kept imagining a shark coming up from the depths biting one of my booty cheeks off. But hey, I still was out in the open sea no matter how I got there and lived to tell about it. Personally, I plan on going back to Rhodes soon to explore parts of the island I missed the first time around. 

Ok, ok, my last observation is I never once saw a police officer in Rhodes. There were all these little small car and scooter rental places all over the island. A lot of them looked shady as fuuuuuck! Like they didn’t ask for any kind of driver license and preferred you paid in cash. Swear I saw an 8 year old on a quad once, alone, just gunning it and doing donuts on the beach. And  NO ONE was wearing a helmet on their scooters or quads. I just assumed it was like Florida and there was a no helmet law. Asked a local and they said in theory there was a strict helmut law for Rhodes. Where in the heck the police were I have no idea. Maybe they hadn’t gotten paid yet from the state and were like, “Fuck it! I ain’t doin SHIT until I get paid! They can kiss my hairy Greek ass!” Even at the police station in the town we were at, never a police officer. No police car, no police coming in or out, no sign that the station was even open if you wanted to go in and look for a police officer. Damnedest thing I’ve (never not) seen.