OBSERVATIONS OF NAPLES, ITALY: Part II

Here is part two of my observations of Naples, Italy. Again, let me reiterate in case you’re just tuning in, these observations are of SOUTHERN Italy, specifically the Naples region. There are big differences between the North and South of Italy, the same as in any country actually. So here are some additional things I noticed about Naples.

I previously spoke about how loud are Neapolitans. Let me expand on that. Neapolitans seem to have a certain affinity for yelling. They revel in it, snuggle up to it like a warm parka in the dead of winter. Now, black people can also be loud, but the act of yelling in black culture generally accompanies laughing or fighting, i.e. extreme moments of excitement. For Neapolitians it accompanies more mundane acts, eating, or walking, even breathing seems to illicit yelling episodes. The number of times I've been speaking to my girlfriend and she started yelling at me for no reason! Of course I start yelling back because well... I’m black and these count as extreme moment of excitement for me.  We've had countless “arguments” where I’ve had absolutely no clue how they began! One time we were talking about milk. Yes, milk. Not about what milk philosophically represents, or the history of sustenance.. just milk. Next thing I know we are screaming and yelling... about milk. After a moment I realize the madness going on and had the sense of mind to ask her why she was so angry over milk. She looked at me like I was the crazy one and said she wasn't angry at all. Talk about a WTF moment! I thought she was joking for a second, using reverse psychology to win the “argument”! But she was being sincere! Apparently yelling does not equal angry in Naples. So that of course begs the question, what happens when they actually are angry??!! My girlfriend and her sister will often sound like they are up in arms over something ready to kick off their shoes and roll up their sleeves! Catfight! Nope. Just talking about the weather...

Ok, so even though they can be ghetto and yell entirely too much, Neapolitans’ bark is much worse than their bite. All in all they are extremely nice people. I mean, everyone drives like a maniac here. Red lights don’t mean stop, apparently they mean access the situation and decide on the best course of action while still moving, terrifying for the uninitiated. After a while, you begin to notice the insanity is infused with niceness. Pedestrians always have the right of way, even if they are in the wrong. I live in Berlin and pedestrians are treated only slightly better than gypsies; real talk. Another thing is, they’ll yell of course, make wide arm gestures naturally, but no road rage. Not saying it doesn’t exist! But I haven’t ever seen it myself in Naples. The people accept the chaos of the roads and work around it and use being super nice as the common denominator through it all... and it works! Throw in how you are always greeted with a smile and kisses..  even from men, which is still taking some getting used to but hey, coming from emotionally void Berlin it’s a nice change,

The last thing I have to mention and I’m sure many of you may have expected it is the mafia, or as it is known in Naples, the Camorra. No one ever really sees the Camorra; you just see their hands, if you know what I mean. Now, in Naples, if you want to do anything, and I do mean anything that is a money making venture, you have to get permission from the Camorra. Period. PERIOD! You want to start painting pictures of tourists near the beach? Yep, you need approval. You want to help people find parking spaces in crowded areas and hope they give you spare change? You got it, needs approval. To an outsider it makes you wonder how anything gets accomplished in the area. But when you look more closely at Naples, there are a lot of empty dilapidated buildings and vacant lots teeming with potential. In no other city do I know are prime real estate plots with views of the sea undeveloped. Just wouldn’t happen in New York or London or Sydney. In Naples it is an epidemic. If someone does open a shop or center or even children’s museum that doesn’t have approval or doesn’t pay enough.. it gets burned down. Yep. They fire bomb the place. The smell of burnt concrete in Naples is just as common as the smell of sea water or the catch of the fishermen.  And it is so engrained in their culture. One would think that at some point people would rise up and say enough is enough! There is a huge scandal in the region at the moment because it was revealed the Camorra created fake holding companies to bid on European Union waste removal projects. They came in with the lowest bids so were awarded hundreds of millions of euros to dispose of the most vile and repugnant stuff known to man. Know what they did with it? They took it to the small towns and villages of the Naples region and buried it. Where people are living. The cancer rates in these areas are astronomical! Much of the ground water and farmed food is contaminated. People are dying and you can’t drink the water or eat the food, yet, other than a few protests (large) and decrees by local politicians, nothing has changed. Me being me, I asked. I wanted to know. From the answer I get the feeling that the Camorra is as much a part of the society in Naples as the air they breathe. Good or bad, the past, present and foreseeable future will include the Camorra. The anger of the people is more directed at the politicians for allowing this to happen when they were aware of who won the contracts in the first place. It is how it is here. This region is slowly dying with the lack of jobs and opportunities and now poison.  BUT there is real opportunity for revitalization which is cause for hope, and sadness if significant changes aren’t made. That is Naples. 

OBSERVATIONS OF NAPLES, ITALY

For many years I worked in Italy as a director for intensive summer English camps. It allowed me to extensively travel throughout Italy. Most of the sites I worked at were predominately in the North of the country. Now that I’m with someone from the bottom half of the country, Naples, I’ve had the opportunity to explore more of the South and observe the culture in a way I never could before. I’ve noticed a few things about Southern Italy...

I don’t consider myself the “average” American in the sense that I’ve lived in numerous countries, speak multiple languages and the majority of my friends are non-Americans. I am up-to-date on most international socio-political issues. One example would be why Spain is called the Balkans of Western Europe, or having the ability to explain the difference between Kurdish and Turkish cultures to confused Germans. So, imagine my surprise when I was instantly corrected when I called someone from Naples, Italian. “I’m not Italian, I’m Neapolitan.” And they said it with attitude! Like, “Get it right negro!” Well excuuuuuse me for not being informed about the underground resistance movement in the region fighting for more autonomy from Rome! In case you missed it people I’m being sarcastic. No such movement exists.  People from Naples first and foremost associate with their region. End of story. And you better not get it confused either! To do so might get you cut!

I’ve actually lived a few places where this is the case. Go to the Basque or Catalonian regions of Spain and you get the same thing. The difference in Spain is that the rest of the country vehemently fights to keep these regions connected politically, culturally and economically.  In Italy, it feels like the rest of the country could give a rat’s ass about Naples, seriously. I would even go so far as to say that if Naples decided to leave Italy and formally declare itself an independent country that there would be quite a few cheers and parties of celebration in the North. I’m almost positive Italian politicians would seriously debate if it were worth it to bring them back into the fold. No way would this happen in the states. If a city or state even JOKED about leaving the union the rest of the US would seriously get an attitude, hence why most of America distrusts Texas. 

My thing is, I think the rest of Italy underestimates the importance of Naples and all it brings to Italian culture. I also get why Neapolitans are so proud of where they come from. In a sense, their story is comparable to Black Americans. Hear me out now and let me break it down for you. I always thought I spoke Italian until I started going to Naples to visit my girlfriend’s family. I then learned I spoke Veneto which is a dialect from the North. As I worked there the most it made sense.  People in Naples have their own language. Trust me; it is its own language. When people speak it they might as well be speaking ancient Greek cause I get NOTHING of the conversation. Very similar to Ebonics in my opinion when white Americans with no contact to black American culture hear it. Many consider Ebonics to be a low-class, uneducated, bastardization of “proper” English. Same as how many Northern Italians consider Neapolitan. However, when linguists began studying Ebonics they found a complex grammatical structure with syntax rules that bridged certain deficiencies in modern English. I’m thinking Neapolitan has the same complexity if people took the time to study it. Ebonics was the natural evolution of a spoken language that African slaves were forced to learn and modified it to fit their personal needs. Look at the history of Naples and you’ll find a rich history of diversity from the people who lived and ruled there.

Another parallel I found on the cultural level. Much of the culture we assume is Italian is actually Neapolitan. Much of what we consider to be American culture began as black culture before it was co-opted into mainstream U.S. culture. Gospel, Jazz, Blues, R&B, Rock&Roll, Hip-Hop and even Techno are all innovations of Black Americans. We hear pizza we immediately say Italian. No. The first pizza was made in Naples and it wasn’t until years later that it made its way to the rest of Italy. And lord do Neapolitans take their pizza serious! If it’s not made a specific way that meets standards set in like the 1700’s they don’t call it pizza. Really. Call it whatever you like but you bet not call it pizza! The number of arguments I’ve had over what constitutes pizza in Naples is mind-boggling. Most of the songs non-Italians associate with Italy are actually Neapolitan songs. Many of the country’s most famous actors come from the Naples region. The area is a powerhouse when it comes to anything connected to film and music. Who knew??

Another way that Neapolitans are like black people? They are ghetto. Oh my goodness are they ghetto! I say that with affection! Ghetto has become a code word for a host of negative assumptions, but in reality many of the most beautiful and fascinating things came from the ghetto; the Jewish culture often times flourished in European ghettos, the Civil Rights movement in the states started in the ghetto, music, food, art forms, all started in the ghetto. Neapolitans are ghetto in the ghetto sense of the word too, just like black people can be. They are loud! House full of people and everybody speaking like no one can hear properly.  And to prove your point one has to talk louder than the other person. Whoever talks the loudest wins the argument. Through all of this the TV is on full blast for “background” noise. Sound familiar black people?? Then they will talk mess about all their family, but if you say one bad thing about one of their crazy cousins that they spent an hour bad-mouthing you might get shot.  Just because they talk bad about their family, culture or region does not mean YOU are allowed to do it. Period. In this life or the next. Or you’ll die. Horribly. Twice. I get it though! It’s like how black people are with the N-word. There is a huge debate going on in the black community right now over its use. Everyone has their opinion on if it causes damage to us as a race and sets us back as a people. In saying that, if a white person EVER ever, evereverever used the N-word around a group of black people they would literally be taking their life out of their own hands and placing it in that of those black people. It would be up to those black people if that white person lived or died. I’m not joking. THAT’S how Neapolitans are and why I feel so damn comfortable there.

These observations are getting long! Gotta break them up into two parts, stay tuned for part two! 

OBSERVATIONS OF THE GYM (GERMANY)

I have worked out more or less since I was 16 years old. There is a separate culture for people who regularly go to the gym. That culture is entirely dependent on what kind of gym you go to. A gym frequented by body builders will be entirely different to a gym full of Soccer Moms. These observations are entirely focused on German gym culture. In saying that, if these observations come off as a rant... well imagine having to deal with some of this stuff every time you went to your gym. I’ve held this stuff in going on 7 years which is the amount of time I’ve lived in Berlin. With that...

The first thing that is extremely apparent is that someone should remind German people that the monthly membership fees are for the USE of gym equipment and not for the OWNERSHIP of gym equipment. Seriously, people here act like they took out a separate damn lease contract for each and every piece of equipment they work out on. Does not matter if they are walking around speaking to other people, gone to the toilet or even gone to their car to get something they forgot, Germans do NOT relinquish their machines! Can’t tell you the number of times a German guy left for ages then came back and tried to tell me he was using the machine. They didn’t wait for me to finish my set to tell me either. While a brotha was trying to get his swole on they stopped what I was doing to get me off the machine for them. When I looked confuse they assumed it was because I didn’t understand German and attempted to inform me that their towel was there. Sooooo, it’s like the towel is some kinda proof of ownership title that exists in this country? Personally, I don’t care if someone chopped off their pinky toe and nailed it to the leg extension machine WITH a neon banner proclaiming they are the rightful owner for the duration of their leg work out. You leave for more than 5 minutes buddy that machine is now free for anyone to use. And don’t even get me started on the fact the concept of SHARING just gets totally lost when I walk into my gym. Even if you are using the lat pull-down machine I can use it while you’re resting, basic gym etiquette. But nooooooooooo, I have to wait for you to finish all of your sets which takes 23 minutes because you talking to your friend that you went to Kindergarten with and you see EVERY damn day about the conversation you had last night which is the same damn conversation you have every night. THEN when you two go do whatever the hell it is you do that keeps you away from your workout for eons, you put your towel down on the machine and expect me to “respect” the towel. Muthafucca that ain’t no force field! That towel is not goin to stop my black ass from using this machine the second you leave. And then, THEN, people want to catch an attitude when they are RESTING their towel or water bottle on machines they aren’t even actually using! Bastards!!

Ok, I’ll be the first to say I’m not the cleanest person in the world, but I do know how to pick up after myself. And with this observation I have to apologize to my Turkish followers out there. Where I used to live in Berlin the majority of the gym goers were Turkish and I attributed this next observation to them. However, I now go to a gym that is predominately German and the same nasty ass practice still occurs. Right, you use a dumbbell, barbell, rope whatever, you don’t just leave it where you were using it; you put it back where you got it, simple as that. Hell, in EVERY gym I’ve used in the states they have it posted throughout the free weight areas. I mean, even if you’ve never gone to the gym, just outta common decency one should feel it is a courtesy to return what you used to its rightful place. Not in Berlin apparently. Dudes will use 3 or 4 sets of weights and just hop they asses up from the bench and leave. Or worse yet, take one dumbbell clear across to the other side of the gym, use it, and then just leave it there! What retard does that!?!? One of my damn arms is officially bigger than the other from carrying one dumbbell around frantically searching for its partner. F*ck a “Where’s Waldo?” I play “Where’s the other 20kg dumbbell?” EVERY damn time I go to the gym. Then they think I’m crazy walking around with one 20kg weight in my hand muttering to myself!

Now, this next observation I have to admit is more of a personal pet peeve. Also, I’ve seen this in more countries than just Germany but figured I’d include it with these observations. Full Range of Motion people, learn it and utilize it. Now, what I mean by full range of motion is, if you are doing an exercise, you should be going as far with the weight or movement as your body will allow naturally. I see dudes loading up stacks, STACKS of weight then moving it like 2 inches. Seriously? I’m not impressed at all. You’re wasting my time and your body is not amused. If you’ve been working out for over a year and you see absolutely NO change, then you’re doing something wrong. All you’re doing is working out your elbow joints. What woman is impressed with big elbow joints on a man?? Go all the way down with the weight man and get a decent workout for once in ya life. I wonder if they do that during sex, just put the tip in and acting like they long stroking. Maybe that’s why German women seem so sour and uptight, holla!

I used to assume many things before I started travelling, everyone loves dancing to hip-hop, everyone eats pancakes with syrup, and everyone calls Disney World characters the same names. One fallacy I have now learned that does not exist in Germany apparently is the unspoken rule that if you see someone struggling with a weight you run over and save their life! A man is about to die and you are only going to stare at him?? Soooo many inappropriate German historical remarks I could insert here but I will take the high road. But man that’s just creepy. And if I just ASK someone for a spot on a heavy weight they act like I asked them if their mother would lick my booty hole. I need 10 seconds of your time to make sure I don’t die and you want to act like that?!?! Well f****ck you then you big elbowed bastard!!

Still with me? Next observation is actually a world-wide observation/rant. Posing in front of the mirror is 100% allowed fellas. We all do it and I can’t fault anyone who wants to see the fruits of their labor. What I can fault someone on is posing in the mirror longer than they actually worked out! These are the posing rules of the gym people, study them, write it down, and take a picture. Do what you need to do but ya need to learn them. Rule #1: You get THREE poses and one of those three poses better be a body part you worked out THAT session. Rule #2: You get five seconds per pose MAXIMUM, no exceptions and those five seconds do not carryover to your next work out session. Use them that session or you lose them. We are not AT&T up in this muthafucca and rollin sh*t over for next month. Rule #3: After you have used up your allotted time, move the hell outta the way! No lingering or loitering is allowed during my mirror time. When you linger you f*ck up the rotation! Pose, change, pose, change, pose move yo ass out the way cause it’s my turn. Get it? Got it? Good. Now we can move on.

Ok, now for the health & hygiene observation and this is a universal observation buuuut it does seem my Turkish German brethren are guilty of this one a tad bit more than other ethnic groups. If you are wearing a shirt and/or shorts to the gym and you can’t remember the last time you washed said shirt and/or shorts 9 out of 10 times you can be sure that you smell like a 6 pack of GET BACK. Better yet, if your clothes are talking to you about being embarrassed about how they smell and they don’t want to go out in public in that sad state, wash ya stuff, you smell like boo boo. I am no dermatologist, but that can’t be good for your skin having something that smells that bad in direct contact. Isn’t extreme funkiness acidic? That can cause psoriasis or herpes right?? Just saying, wash your gym clothes regularly.

Ok people, this is my last and final observation of the gym in Berlin. If you are going to ignore me when my life is in danger when I need a spot, catch an attitude when I attempt to work out on “your” machine, why in DA HELL do you feel the need to talk to me when you’re butt ass naked in the changing rooms?? Really?? Now you want to talk to me?? NO NO NO!!! Even if you saved my life in the gym, under no circumstances are you allowed to speak to me while you’re drying your balls... with a hair dryer. And for the love of all that’s good and holy do NOT bend over naked when my face is looking in the same direction!! What do you think towels were created for man!?!? What are these men smoking to assume the changing rooms of all places while naked is where you ask me for work out tips? SMDH (Shaking my damn head) just breaking all the major Bro Code Rules. Madness I tell ya.

OBSERVATIONS OF ITALY

These observations are not of Italy as an entire country, but just the places I saw while employed for a company while Teaching English. The first place was a small village called Colli del Tronto which is close to Pescara if you want to look at a map of Italy. The second place I was located was Cagliari, Sardinia. So these are observations of these particular places, maybe they apply to all Italians, but I hate to make generalizations.

 

1.) Italian women are gorgeous! I am sorry ladies, but it is the first thing you notice when you step off the plane. I don’t mean pretty, I don’t mean lovely, but strikingly beautiful. So many women have model looks...They have these striking features which really draw your attention. To me however, their looks made me more so want to look and admire rather have an urge to see them naked. I know, I know it sounds like something a Neanderthal would say, but it was the truth. The women are beautiful, but having that sort of sex appeal that makes me say, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!” They didn’t have it in my opinion... And I think I know why.

 

1a.) Second observation of Italian women is they have no ass! I mean, none, non-existent, no where to be found, someone crept up and just chopped their ass off, no ass. It was so disappointing!  In Sardinia, which is closer to North Africa, I thought it had to be different since the reason why Southern Italians are darker is the mix of African blood in their lineage...Well it was only slightly better. Seems the only part of the genes they got were the darker skin and the propensity to never be on time. I have been in some pretty white countries in my life...New Zealand, England and Latvia to name a few, in those countries I saw more ass than I did in Italy. What is that about!? If you were going to name a country in Europe where you would think the women would have nice asses, I am sure Italy would be in the top 3..top 5 at the LEAST. It was almost like it was bred out of them, some sort of genetic experiment gone awry. How else could people with African lineage, yes a while ago but still, have just no ass as an entire race of people?? One of the saddest realizations in my travels to date...Italian women on average don’t have nice asses.

 

2.) Will someone PLEASE tell Italians that there is such a thing as skin cancer Oh my lord do these people tan! I mean they do that old skool tanning where they rub butter on their skins and stay out in the sun for hours upon hours. Alright, I’m black so I don’t tan, maybe it isn’t butter they rub on themselves, but since it seemed like they were cooking themselves to death, butter is what I am going to say. Seriously though, even people in their 70's were in bikinis and Speedo laying out like their skin didn’t look like a leather wallet. Yes Italians have olive skin, but I saw people damn near my completion and you could tell it was from tanning and not from being born with dark skin. If Italy had the same hole in the ozone has New Zealand and Australia, half the population of Italy would have skin cancer I swear. I bet you if I had thrown on a blonde wig and walked around the beach, people would have come up to me telling me Italian that my tan was lovely. I would have just fit in. I don’t know what medical info they get, but it can not be the same as the rest of the world. Every where is taking steps to prevent skin cancer, and Italians are just baking themselves in the sun like they are Superman and it has no effect on them.

 

3.) Ok, after having been in Italy now, having lived in Central America, Spain and France and visited Portugal...Italian is the sexiest language out there. Everything about it is just sensual, the cadence of their speech, how they roll their r’s, the inflection on the words....I HATE how Spaniards say my name. My name is only one syllable, but the way Spaniards say it they make it sound like a cough, or a dog bark. They say it so it sounds like it’s 2 letters long and make the r and the l sound like one letter. I hate telling people my name in Spain because of how ugly they make Carl sound. It’s not a sexy name anyway then to destroy it like that? Hurt’s a man’s pride! But in Italy!?! Oh man, they say my name like it’s 17 letters long and it’s a wave coming in at high tide. Caarrrrrrrrrrrrrl. They roll the r sooo long and really softly. I was teaching young kids in Italy, usually teaching kids in foreign countries  you get tired of them always saying your name wrong. In Italy I would pretend not to hear them so they would just keep on saying my name over and over. Who in the hell ever put Castellano (Spanish in Spain) with Italian? They need to be shot! In Spain, they have a lisp. They literally speak with a lisp, the entire country, it’s part of the accent. So the Cs and Zs make the TH sound. So, someone says to you in Castellano, Hola, mi nombre es Gonzalo y soy de Zaragoza. (Hello, my name is Gonzalo and I am from Zaragoza) Zaragoza is a fairly large city north of Madrid. Anywho, it would sound like this...Hola, mi nombre es Gonthalo y soy de Tharagotha. Throw in that they make the J sound like they are clearing their throat and it’s not a turn on to me...How can you compare that to Italian! You don’t need to understand a word they are saying, the rhythm of the sound just gets to you. No wonder Italian men get so much play! Tourists go to Italy and Italian men are telling them, “Yes, I am 34 and I still live with my mother. I am in a band..but for money I deliver pizzas. I think a woman should be in the home cooking all the time...” But he says it in Italian and women throw their panties at him! I’m learning Italian dammit!

 

4.) As beautiful as Italian is...why does no one in Italy speak any other language?? Everyone always talks about Americans and how monolingual country. Ha! Italy is by far the worst. It is a lovely language, don’t get me wrong, but where else do they speak Italian?? You speak French you can go to France of course, but also to Belgium, Switzerland, West Africa, Haiti and a few other countries where French is the official language. You speak Spanish and you have almost an entire continent of Spanish speakers. But Italian? Only in Italy folks. And Italians are quick to go to other countries boy to live! Ever been to NYC? Did you know Argentina has a very large Italian population?? Australia the same..So you would think that the people still in Italy would kinda learn some other languages. Doesn’t have to be just English, but something different. Outside of the airports you are pretty much on your own with your Italian phrase book I’ll tell you that.

 

5.) The food. I know, I know, I know I was in Italy, but I still did not expect them to eat so much pasta! They eat pasta like Latin Americans eat beans and rice..All the damn time! For lunch, pasta. For dinner, pasta. Pasta, pasta, pasta. Oh it was good. No doubt about that Italians know their pasta, but EVERYDAY twice a day for all your life? Good lord man there can’t be that many ways to fix pasta can there?? I am going to say no cause the teachers were served certain types of pasta more than once while there. Yes, I have read the research that says olive oil is great for your health. I think, that the study wasn’t translated properly into Italian and they think it said, if you replace your blood with olive oil you will live longer. Lord almighty do they drown EVERYTHING in olive oil! I am not exaggerating either. If they brought you a salad, or a plate of vegetables, they were just doing the backstroke in olive oil. I am lactose intolerant, well, we can add drown in olive oil intolerant to that list of intolerants. Oh man my stomach was hurt up eating all that soaked food. Olive oil is an oil, i.e. lubricant...and that’s all I am going to say on that subject. Ok, you say Italy and you think of wine, pasta and pizza. To be honest, Italian pizza isn’t all that great. It’s rather boring. They just have normal pizzas, like mushrooms, or tomatoes, or ham...I never saw a place advertising apricot chicken pizza. Yuuuuuumm!! Or, BBQ pizza, or Hawaiian lovers pizza. Really surprising..But one thing they did have that the world needs to know about is GELATO. Gelato is Italian ice cream. I’m sure many of you have had gelato, I myself have had gelato numerous times, but until you have had gelato in Italy you are not living! The stuff is amazing! I am lactose intolerant and was having the stuff twice a day. They have these huge mounds of it in the shops that look like works of art. You almost feel guilty having the people dig into the mounds to give you a scoop, or two.....ok three. So sue me! I was in Italy for Pete’s sake! The flavors they had...No preservatives or fake stuff people...If it was strawberry, it had REAL strawberries. If it was fruit of the forest, there was real fruit from the forest! Eating that stuff was like, it was like, it was like making love to an old lover that you haven’t seen in a long time, but who still remembered all the spots to hit to make your eyes roll back in your head. Yes, it was THAT good.

 

6.) Italians without a doubt the nicest people I have met in Europe. I was in a small village on the mainland, but I was in the capital in Sardinia. People would drop by where we were staying and bring wine and ice cream randomly. They would take us out to dinner, take us to festivals and pay for everything! It was great! Walking around in Sardinia, I went into this store, and the guy working there in 10 minutes gave me his number, told me about the café his girlfriend worked at, told me her name so I could get the hookup when I got there AND showed me where he lived if I ever needed anything. Being from the states I was wary, if some guy working in a store did all of that for me in St. Petersburg..I’m thinking he and his girlfriend are swingers and they want me to join in. American men don’t go around giving other men their numbers and telling them where their girlfriends work. Just not done. My flight to Sardinia from Italy left super early in the morning. The village was pretty far away from the airport, I had to take a train to the city where the flight was from. Someone from the village, woke up at 4:30am to take me to catch a train to catch my flight. The guy wasn’t even associated with the program! He just volunteered. Man Italians are nice. In saying that, what in the hell is wrong with Italians in New York and Boston!? Why are they so racist when Italians treated me like a long lost son! Will someone tell them that Italians, especially southern Italians are super nice and treat people of color just as well as they treat everyone else.

 

Observations of France II

FRENCH OBSERVATIONS II

Here is the second part to my French Observations. Hope you still find them amusing and thought provoking.

1.) One of the strangest things I have observed by far in my travels. In France, they start counting on their thumbs, where as in the states if we begin counting we usually start with our index finger and the thumb is five. That in itself is no big deal at all. The big deal that after 2 ½ months I don’t get is this….In France, since the thumb is one, the index finger is two…even if you hold it up alone. When the kids arrive we don’t know their levels of English, so we tell them to line up one by one to test them. Since most of us are North American (States and Canada for you slow readers) we hold up our index finger and say one by one in line. Well two French kids always step forward and they line up two by two. What the hell??!! One finger is one finger right? If in China they start counting on the ring finger and end on the index finger I don’t need to speak Mandarin to know they mean one if they old up their ring finger only. I am not going to assume they mean 3 just because it is usually the third finger counted in the States. It’s the damnedest thing I have ever seen! We thought we just had a dumb group of kids and tried it next week…..Same thing!! You go out to a bar or restaurant and hold up your index finger to indicate you want one of something you would think you’d get one right? Wrong! Yo’ ass is gettin’ two! Are there any other countries in the world that do this? That assigns values to individual digits so no matter how many fingers you hold up that is the value implied? Me being a tad bit ghetto, I like to mess with the kids heads and hold up my thumb and pinky and say two by two. They don’t know what in the hell to do. They are like deer stuck in headlights. In a town of 50 people you have to amuse yourself
somehow.

2.) This next observation is a stab at the US. Why do we call it French kissing, French fries and French toast?? Has anyone ever thought to ask if there are even French fries or toast in France? Well there isn’t! They eat Fries over here, but they don’t call them French fries. And they don’t eat French toast and call it “Our” toast. They don’t even know what “French” toast is even. What dummy started calling it those things in the states? The French word for fries is similar to the Spanish word papas. IF they use an English word for them they are called chips as they are called in England. They have NO clue about French toast here. The only thing they will dip toast in here is coffee and that’s it. They don’t even know what the hell syrup is over here. We serve an American Brunch on the last day and we have to practically force the kids to try maple syrup. Maybe that Senator was on to something when he suggested changing them to Freedom fries and Freedom toast. The French were happy the name was being changed since they had nothing to do with either anyway. Oh, and French kissing over here is translated to literally mean, “Shoveling the dirt.” I swear that is what it means literally in English. Kinda takes the romance out of it when you compare it to shoveling sand and mud. They also can’t understand how we “French” kiss in the states and that’s it. In France if you kiss like that it implies sex is going to follow. It is considered VERY rude and in poor taste to lead a person on like that here. Hhhhmmmm….. Maybe the French are on to something. Women in the states, let me copy and paste that last sentence for you again. In France if you kiss like that it implies sex is going to follow. It is considered VERY rude and in poor taste to lead a person on like that here. I am going to attempt to arrange an exchange of specific cultural norms from each country with the US and French governments. The US gets the idea of sex always following French kissing, and France gets the ingredients to all of your extra strength deo. I think it’s a fair trade. On a side note….Swiss cheese in Switzerland is translated into English meaning “That cheese with all those damn holes in it.” Just kidding!!!!

3.) This isn’t an observation specific to France but in my travels in general. I have been to a few countries in my life. What amazes me the most is the influence the United States has on other countries. For example, most people know about the cool relationship between France and the U.S. now because of the Iraq war, but being here in France I see more FUBU, Karl Kani, Phat Farm, NBA Jerseys, Du-rags and “ice” than if I were in NYC or LA. A lot of countries may hate our foreign policy, but they love our culture. The sad thing is how many people in the States know anything about these other countries? I don’t mean knowing a ton about every single little country in the world. But just the basics like if they are in Europe or Central America, etc, etc. I will be working in Latvia this summer teaching English. I found out today that they had to move the site because of me. Because of me??!! When the owner found out a black American was coming they knew the word would get out and people not associated with the school would be trying to come and have a look since everyone loves Americans there. If you don’t know, Latvia is bordered by Russia, Poland and Sweden. So it is nowhere near the U.S. yet they know more about the U.S. then the average American. Someone told me once that 7% of Americans have passports. I don’t consider any of you to be average, so how many of you are in that elite 7%?? I have learned so much about myself visiting other countries and have found a deeper appreciation for who I am and where I have come from through my travels. It took me living in Central America to appreciate the beauty of being black and living in NZ to realize the impact of my culture. France has taught me the danger of being so ignorant of other peoples culture and ideologies. Anyway, those are all the observations I have for now.