OBSERVATIONS OF NAPLES, ITALY

For many years I worked in Italy as a director for intensive summer English camps. It allowed me to extensively travel throughout Italy. Most of the sites I worked at were predominately in the North of the country. Now that I’m with someone from the bottom half of the country, Naples, I’ve had the opportunity to explore more of the South and observe the culture in a way I never could before. I’ve noticed a few things about Southern Italy...

I don’t consider myself the “average” American in the sense that I’ve lived in numerous countries, speak multiple languages and the majority of my friends are non-Americans. I am up-to-date on most international socio-political issues. One example would be why Spain is called the Balkans of Western Europe, or having the ability to explain the difference between Kurdish and Turkish cultures to confused Germans. So, imagine my surprise when I was instantly corrected when I called someone from Naples, Italian. “I’m not Italian, I’m Neapolitan.” And they said it with attitude! Like, “Get it right negro!” Well excuuuuuse me for not being informed about the underground resistance movement in the region fighting for more autonomy from Rome! In case you missed it people I’m being sarcastic. No such movement exists.  People from Naples first and foremost associate with their region. End of story. And you better not get it confused either! To do so might get you cut!

I’ve actually lived a few places where this is the case. Go to the Basque or Catalonian regions of Spain and you get the same thing. The difference in Spain is that the rest of the country vehemently fights to keep these regions connected politically, culturally and economically.  In Italy, it feels like the rest of the country could give a rat’s ass about Naples, seriously. I would even go so far as to say that if Naples decided to leave Italy and formally declare itself an independent country that there would be quite a few cheers and parties of celebration in the North. I’m almost positive Italian politicians would seriously debate if it were worth it to bring them back into the fold. No way would this happen in the states. If a city or state even JOKED about leaving the union the rest of the US would seriously get an attitude, hence why most of America distrusts Texas. 

My thing is, I think the rest of Italy underestimates the importance of Naples and all it brings to Italian culture. I also get why Neapolitans are so proud of where they come from. In a sense, their story is comparable to Black Americans. Hear me out now and let me break it down for you. I always thought I spoke Italian until I started going to Naples to visit my girlfriend’s family. I then learned I spoke Veneto which is a dialect from the North. As I worked there the most it made sense.  People in Naples have their own language. Trust me; it is its own language. When people speak it they might as well be speaking ancient Greek cause I get NOTHING of the conversation. Very similar to Ebonics in my opinion when white Americans with no contact to black American culture hear it. Many consider Ebonics to be a low-class, uneducated, bastardization of “proper” English. Same as how many Northern Italians consider Neapolitan. However, when linguists began studying Ebonics they found a complex grammatical structure with syntax rules that bridged certain deficiencies in modern English. I’m thinking Neapolitan has the same complexity if people took the time to study it. Ebonics was the natural evolution of a spoken language that African slaves were forced to learn and modified it to fit their personal needs. Look at the history of Naples and you’ll find a rich history of diversity from the people who lived and ruled there.

Another parallel I found on the cultural level. Much of the culture we assume is Italian is actually Neapolitan. Much of what we consider to be American culture began as black culture before it was co-opted into mainstream U.S. culture. Gospel, Jazz, Blues, R&B, Rock&Roll, Hip-Hop and even Techno are all innovations of Black Americans. We hear pizza we immediately say Italian. No. The first pizza was made in Naples and it wasn’t until years later that it made its way to the rest of Italy. And lord do Neapolitans take their pizza serious! If it’s not made a specific way that meets standards set in like the 1700’s they don’t call it pizza. Really. Call it whatever you like but you bet not call it pizza! The number of arguments I’ve had over what constitutes pizza in Naples is mind-boggling. Most of the songs non-Italians associate with Italy are actually Neapolitan songs. Many of the country’s most famous actors come from the Naples region. The area is a powerhouse when it comes to anything connected to film and music. Who knew??

Another way that Neapolitans are like black people? They are ghetto. Oh my goodness are they ghetto! I say that with affection! Ghetto has become a code word for a host of negative assumptions, but in reality many of the most beautiful and fascinating things came from the ghetto; the Jewish culture often times flourished in European ghettos, the Civil Rights movement in the states started in the ghetto, music, food, art forms, all started in the ghetto. Neapolitans are ghetto in the ghetto sense of the word too, just like black people can be. They are loud! House full of people and everybody speaking like no one can hear properly.  And to prove your point one has to talk louder than the other person. Whoever talks the loudest wins the argument. Through all of this the TV is on full blast for “background” noise. Sound familiar black people?? Then they will talk mess about all their family, but if you say one bad thing about one of their crazy cousins that they spent an hour bad-mouthing you might get shot.  Just because they talk bad about their family, culture or region does not mean YOU are allowed to do it. Period. In this life or the next. Or you’ll die. Horribly. Twice. I get it though! It’s like how black people are with the N-word. There is a huge debate going on in the black community right now over its use. Everyone has their opinion on if it causes damage to us as a race and sets us back as a people. In saying that, if a white person EVER ever, evereverever used the N-word around a group of black people they would literally be taking their life out of their own hands and placing it in that of those black people. It would be up to those black people if that white person lived or died. I’m not joking. THAT’S how Neapolitans are and why I feel so damn comfortable there.

These observations are getting long! Gotta break them up into two parts, stay tuned for part two! 

BLACK CHURCH OBSERVATIONS

Call me a heathen if you want, but I never go to church in Berlin. The ONLY time I intentionally am in a house of worship is when I am in a Muslim country visiting an ancient mosque and Christmas time when I am home visiting my family. I always make it a point to go with my mother on Christmas Sunday so she can coo with pride and show me off to the congregation. Because of this once a year sojourn into the black church I am more disconnected from things and have observed some interesting phenomena in the Lord’s house.

Black people will never ever, evereverevereverever, lose their rhythm while clapping. I don’t care what might be going on in the background, what distractions are taking place around them, black people will ALWAYS have the beat. I’ve been to a white church where a well-timed cough threw off the entire congregation. Bless their hearts though, the white people just laughed it off and started right back again. Now in a black church, I’ve seen black people clapping, turn around to see who’s walking into the church, wave at old friends, give their children the evil eye and mouth “Don’t make me have to take you to the bathroom!”, dig in their purses or pockets for tithe money and STILL... clap to the beat. They may get lost in Our Lady of the Blessed Saint Catholic Hail Mary Catholic Church but NEVER in Mount Zion Community Baptist Church of Jesus our Lord and Savior African AME!

Old black women at church guard their seats in pews like dragons guarding their stash of treasure. Don’t mess around and be sitting in an old black woman’s seat when she comes to church! If she don’t cut ya, she’ll just sit down on top of you. That dragon in The Hobbit got nothing, NOTHING I tell ya on old black women at church. Mess around if you want to and lose an eye! And then everyone would tell you it was your fault for sitting in Ms. Hattie seat anyway!

Ok, I will be the first to say I commend anyone who has the heart to go before a group of their peers and sing publicly. I doubly commend anyone who has the heart to do it in front of black people in the church. Thing is, if someone sings TERRIBLE in the church, they are still going to get love cause they were “Singing for the Lord.” But EVERRYBODY knows when somebody has messed up that solo and the preacher gets up after and says, “Well bless her heart.” In other words, “Heffa, don’t you volunteer for no more solos.” And when the Deacons just say, “Mmmhmm.”, that’s their way of going, “Boooooooooo!! Booooooooo!!”. And black people are so cool about it! To the untrained eye you would never suspect anyone thinks the singing is awful! The unsuspecting white person just confused and trying to figure out if they have the wrong channel or something. Little do they know.

Not as many black churches have this next observation now, but I saw a few throw back church members when I was in service with my mom Christmas. Those little paper fans on a flat wooden stick every black church used to have before A/C. When I was a child I believed those things were magic wands. Think about it now, when people used to get the Holy Ghost back in the day, that’s the ONLY thing that they used to calm people down. I for one would go nowhere near someone flailing their arms and carrying on, especially Ms. Jenkins. Ms. Jenkins used to carry on like she had the Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and they momma and daddy dem. I’d shoot a tranquilizer dart from a safe distance if I did anything! But God bless the lil church “nurses” that move in with those little fans and calm the fire burning in those people. I wonder if the magic comes from the MLK Jr photo on one side or if the funeral home advert that’s always on the other has it?? Or is it the combination of both that does it??? Forget a Harry Potter stupefy spell, give me one of this little fans and I could rob 8 banks! Bank tellers couldn’t tell the police anything! “Well it all went fuzzy when he started waving that little fan in my face. I remember focusing on how it was bent in the middle and flapping around and next thing I knew...” Give me an A-man if ya know what I’m talking about!

Speaking of the Holy Ghost, what in the WORLD does he say to black people that white people don’t hear?? In black churches, the Holy Ghost says act like you’re having an epileptic fit, run around the church at break neck speeds, and do dances from the 90’s. White people seem to hear raise their arms to the sky with their eyes closed. SOMETIMES they hear standup and sway from side to side. Is the Holy Ghost like a radio station and white people are tuned in to Classic Smooth Rock and black people Remixed 90’s Dance Hits?? He soothes white people and riles black people up? Dang Mr. Holy Ghost what you put in Deacon Jones cup??

Black people take going to church to a completely higher level than white people. For some, it’s Home Coming, Prom and New Year’s Eve all in one EVERY Sunday. WE come DRESSED; cause you never know when Jesus might come back! Can’t get into the pearly gates if you ain’t fresh and clean! White people dress like they’re going to meet up with their Puerto Rican friend Jesús for a BBQ, not bad, just... not like black people. In saying that, if you are black and you come to church with sneakers, old jeans, t-shirt or any attire not deemed “church clothes” you better bring a waiver. That waiver better list your financial details and health situation to explain the state of your apparel. Can’t only be broke and can’t only be sick, gotta be both to be excused for dressing like you don’t know any better. And even if you are granted a reprieve... ya still gonna get talked about! “Chiiild did you see those old behind British Knights he had on? Imma pray for him.”

Show of hands anyone who has ever gone to a church where a black preacher was soft spoken throughout the ENTIRE service? If you’re white and have never been to a black church let me explain. Black preachers start out in an easy and relaxing voice, imagine Billy Dee trying to sell you on the eternal afterlife. But at some point in the sermon he will become a human fog horn. I kid you not. It’s not the help of the microphone either. Black preachers have the ability to manifest the power of a megaphone in their vocal cords that none of us mere mortals will ever be able to match. I’ve tried to mimic black preachers before and all I got was a fit of coughing and a sore throat. Is there a class black preachers take in seminary school to train their vocal cords to harness all that power?? What’s the final exam like in this class?? Do they have to break a brick clean in half to be given the title of pastor?? So many questions!

Not sure if this is an observation or not, but could one say that churches are for believers what clubs are to sinners? Hear me out for a second people. People go to clubs to hear good music right? Don’t people also go to church to hear good music? Many women get all dressed up and hair all did to go to a club to look good to attract a man right?? Well, didn’t I just say black people go to church all dolled up looking spectacular? And who hasn’t heard their grandmomma say the church is the best place to find a husband or wife?? Black people dance at the club, black people dance in church when they catch the Holy Ghost. Entrance fee at the club, Tithes and offering at church, security at the club, Deacons at the church, can’t you see the parallels black people!?!? I’m just sayin...